The moment I realized that I was crying, everything became clear to me.
I had unresolved feelings about my family.
Accept everything that happened? Of course I couldnāt do that.
āI donāt want you two to get divorced. I want the three of us to be together foreverā¦ā
I couldnāt say those words out loud. Not in reality, nor in my dreams.
For dadās sake. For momās sake. For the sake of living a peaceful life. I had been making excuses and lying to myself.
I wasnāt envious of Umiās family.
What I felt was regret. The regret of not being able to see this kind of scene with my family ever againā¦
āIām sorry, I didnāt mean toā¦ā
But still, my timing was bad. I tried to wipe the tears away with my sleeve, but that action was counterproductive. My tears didnāt stop, instead they flowed even faster.
Daichi-san, Sora-san and Riku-san seemed perplexed. The three of them didnāt understand what was happening to me. After all, we had been having a good time and suddenly this happened.
Umi understood what was going on, but she seemed to be at a loss.
āMaki, take this first, andāā
āT-Thank you, Umi⦠But, sorry, I think I need to get some air and cool off my head firstā¦ā
āMaki!ā
I took the tissues that Umi gave me before shaking her off and ran out of the room. I put on my shoes and left Umiās house.
What the hell am I doing, even? I just ran aimlessly, not even heading home. I knew that people would be troubled by my actions, but I did it anyway.
āSeriously, what the hell am I doing? ā¦They were treating me nicely but I went ahead and did all thisā¦ā
I wanted to become Umiās lover, yet I showed her family my unsightly side like this.
It was embarrassing, shameful, lame and disgusting.
Iām so childish. Iām already at this age, but I still act like a spoiled brat.
āMaki, wait!ā
āā¦Umiā¦ā
I turned around to see Umi, dressed in her thin roomwear and a pair of sandals while chasing after me. She probably ran straight out of her house, ignoring her family to come after me.
āWhat are you doing? Youāre going to catch a cold wearing those clothes! Go back to your home, Iāll be back in a few minutes!ā
āMaki, you idiot! How could I leave you alone after seeing you like this?ā
āā¦J-Just go. Donāt worry about me, I just need some time alone!ā
āShut up! Come here and follow me!ā
Our age and height were the same, but Umi was much more athletic than me.
Based on our physical capabilities, it was obvious what was going to happen.
āHah! Got you!ā
āUghā¦ā
She chased me up until the railway. After she caught up to me, she immediately grabbed my wrist.
She pulled me toward her side and our gazes met.
āā¦Idiot, your face is a messā¦ā
āā¦Sorryā¦ā
āDonāt be⦠Come hereā¦ā
āWaāā
She embraced me and pulled my face toward her chest.
Maybe it was because she was wearing a thin shirt, I could feel the warmth of her chest and because of that my heart beat even quicker.
āā¦This is embarrassing⦠Iām not a child, you know?ā
āWeāre high school students, we canāt drink, we canāt smoke, weāre pretty much children, so itās fine if I spoil you like a child⦠Maybeā¦ā
My face probably looked terrible because of my tears and runny nose, but Umi held me and refused to let me go even though her clothes might be stained because of me.
I could smell a sweet scent coming from her. It managed to calm me down.
āNo one is around, so you donāt need to hold back. Donāt think of anything and let me spoil you, okay?ā
āā¦Sorryā¦ā
āThe appropriate response in this situation is a āthank youā.ā
āā¦Thank you, Umiā¦ā
āMhm.ā
I decided to lean on her.
I buried my face on her chest and cried my heart out until I calmed down and sorted out my thoughts.
* Ā * Ā *
After I regained my composure, we decided to return to Umiās house because I didnāt want Umi to catch a cold for staying outside for too long.
I then apologized to the three other members of the Asanagi Family who showed their concerns and went up to Umiās room.
āCome here, Maki. My roomās a little messy, but we can talk alone here.ā
āā¦E-Excuse meā¦ā
She said that her room was messy, but it was much better than my room.
And of course it smelled much better too.
āHere, Maki.ā
āā¦Mmā¦ā
Once again, I buried my face in Umiās chest.
She told me to not hold back for today so I obeyed her for now. I still had to apologize once againĀ to Daichi-san and the others though.
I couldnāt remember the last time someone tried to spoil me like this.
āā¦Maki, are you still troubled about the matters with your parents?ā
āMm⦠I thought Iād gotten over it, but apparently notā¦ā
I apologized to mom in my heart because I had to break my promise here. I decided to tell Umi about everything. The divorce, my exchange with dad and the time when I ran into Nitta-san.
Umi looked surprised when Nitta-sanās name came up, but other than that, she didnāt give out any response. She listened to everything while occasionally patting my head.
āā¦I see. You did great, Maki. Come to think of it, youāve been busy since the start of December, havenāt you? Planning out the Christmas gathering, Sekiās idiocy, the final exam, the upcoming Christmas party, Minato-san and your parents quarrels⦠You have to deal with a lot of things, huh?ā¦ā
āHalf of those are the things I started though.ā
āRight, but youāve been pushing yourself, so itās fine for you to stop enduring everything by yourself. I mean, if this didnāt happen, you would probably keep everything bottled up, right?ā
āā¦Maybeā¦ā
I would probably spend the rest of my life lying to myself, hiding my true feelings and pretending not to notice them.
Luckily that didnāt happen thanks to this girl in front of me. And thanks to her, now Iām being pampered like a childā¦
ā¦Honestly, I donāt know which one is worse, living in misery or embarrassing myself in front of the person I loveā¦
āAnyway, donāt think too much for now. Relax, get a good nightās sleep and eat your fill after you wake up, youāll feel a lot better after that. You havenāt been sleeping much lately, have you?ā
āMhm⦠But I think I can have a good nightās sleep tonightā¦ā
āIs that so? Then, go to sleep. Leave the rest to Mom and I.ā
If she said so, then I wouldnāt hold back.
I still had to apologize to her whole family tomorrow, but that could wait until after I regained my composure.
I guess theĀ dogezaĀ practice I did with Nozomu could come in handy later.
āThen, good night⦠Thank you, Umiā¦ā
āMm. Good nightā¦ā
Maki, Iāll always be by your sideā¦
Umi whispered something in my ear as I fell into a deep sleep in her arms.