When I was an elementary student, I was aiming to be a child actor. My mother was a bit of a miihaa, and wanted to make me a child actor.
It was also known at that time that it was difficult for children in this dojo. Children who couldnât stand the training would quit soon and go elsewhere. On the other hand, the remaining children were excellent. This was such a dojo.
At the time I was forced to go by my parents, I only thought of quitting. In the dojo, most other child actors like me also didnât like it.
On our days off, we were transferred to a child office, an hour by train, to receive the stagefighting lesson, and we can also got other lessons. Even weekdays were the same. I had to attend a cram school so that my studies wouldnât be delayed. Even if you work hard while still playing with friends, there were only a handful of people whose efforts are fruitful.
There were more than 300 mid-sized child offices like the one that I belonged to. Including major and small offices, quite a number of people are working as children. Especially if you are accepted in the audition, you get here at 5 oâclock in the morning and left at nine oâclock at night all just to be in one cut as an extra with other child actors.
Sometimes you donât get any lines, and, if lucky, sometimes you do.
On extreme times I had to go at 9 oâclock in the evening, and it was 2 oâclock at night when I went back. I only had one cut, standing next to the child actor holding the signed ball.
Even so, I continued to do my best, and there was a time when I was able to be in the reproduction VTR in the variety show, the main acted by an adult actor and I was the mainâs child form. I got a line.
However, I did not even hear of auditions for the protagonists of dramas and movies; I only got auditions for supporting characters.
I became a leftover like that because the office concluded that they shouldnât have expectations of me. Rather, there are many children who disappear without even being able to act as an extra.
So, my mother hoped uselessly, and she further increased my learning to make me a  child actor. Even though the registration fee of the child office and the lesson fee are high, if 100,000 yen (1) is added to the price of the lesson and the training school, 100,000 yen will exceed the monthâs budget. And, you have to prepare your clothes to wear by yourself, say âPlease prepare 4 sets with the feeling of a growing good boyâ etc. So, even if taking only one dayâs shoot, it takes about 4 thousand yen. Itâs in the red.
Picking up me up after lessons and accompanying me to the shooting makes it hard for my motherâs work schedule and a dedicated manager can only be for a popular child actor. Even for a popular child actor, itâs not unusual for their mother to be their manager.
Such a life continued to press my household, and as a result of my father only having ten thousand yen a month to spare, my mother became shabby because she didnât even go to a hairdresser, and my parentsâ quarrels persisted at home.
My mother would scream, âBecause itâs for our child, please endure! I also have to put up with various things!â
In an exhausted voice, my father said, âItâs overkill, can you see reality?â
One day I felt disgusted with such an argument, I told my mother that I wanted to quit being a child actor to my mother.
My mother looked like she couldnât understand what I was talking about,
âEven though youâve worked so hard, and didnât you say that you want to be a child actor!?â
ââŠIâve never said that I want to be a child actor.â
When I fought with my mother for the first time, I saw eyes that couldnât believe what was happening.
And so, I quit all child actor lessons. My mother, who didnât do the housework, began to relax.
One morning, after such a state passed for about a week, my mother apologized to my father and I.
âI was wrong⊠Iâm sorry.â
My mother cried while saying that, and the evil demon on her face left. After that she began to seriously do housework as a housewife and also worked part-time.
And then, just by saying, âI want to choose myself,â I get what I want.
I lost something when I quit being a child actor; I felt like I had a hole in my heart, I just studied to fill that hole.
For me who quit being a child actor, I only worked hard at studying.
Although I went to middle school and continued my studies like normal, but I wanted something else to do, so I entered the kendo club and used the bamboo sword to fill that hole.
One day after that, I remembered that shindou senseiâs dojo was close by on the way back from the kendo tournament, and it somehow caught my eye so I stopped by.
Although it was already night, the dojo had a light on, and about six adults were practicing. When I was watching the practice from outside the edge, I saw that shindou sensei faced a big man and sparred quietly without raising breath.
They were facing each other, and the large man tried to lock down shindou sensei, but the arm was twisted upwards and he was knocked down with one knee.
And, when the big man bowed, sensei came walking towards me.
âIf it isnât Yamashiro, whatâs wrong?â
âNo, I had to do something nearby, so I dropped byâŠâ
He remembered.
I didnât think that heâd remember me who quit about three years ago, so I was trembling.
âHuh, you still practice with the sword, kendo?â
âYes, itâs a club.â
I wasnât surprised that he knew that I was doing kendo because, in my hand, there was a carry bag that contains kendo armor, and a bamboo sword bag was also attached to it. Even if he wasnât a martial artist, it would still be obvious.
âI see, since I havenât seen you in a while, why donât we spar?â
ââŠâŠâŠYes, please.â
âWell, is a bamboo sword okay?â
âNo, empty-handed is good.â
When I was in elementary school studentâs academy classroom, I mainly learned swordsmanship used in historical dramas, but I also learned empty-handed fighting that was useful. And, it was the first time to spar with shindou sensei because sparring was mainly done by students back then.
The first thing that happened after I started sparring with sensei was that I was thrown like a ball. Even if I tried to move, I was grabbed and thrown. If attacked the hand holding the my collar to throw me, I would have my throat stepped on after being knocked down.
I donât know how many times I was thrown; it was vague and ambiguous, and I everything was white. My breathing is rough, my throat is sticky, my arms hurt, and itâs painful to get up
I kept crying for some reason.
âHow is it, feeling better?â
âYesâŠâ
When sensei told me that, I felt that the hole in my heart I was feeling earlier was getting smaller, unnoticed.
âWell, I donât know what happened, but most things will feel better if you move your body in a spar.â
âSuch a thingâŠ?â
âOh yeah, I shouldnât talk. Iâll continue.â
âEh?â
Then, sensei grabbed my, who was still crying, neck. I was kept upright and forcibly restarted the throwing. If I donât resist, Iâll be thrown, and Iâll be thrown even if I resist. Since Iâll get thrown either way, I kept moving my body desperately.
When I lost my sense of time, and my consciousness was about to fade away, it stopped.
The teacher looked down at me, who was breathing hard and lying on my face,
âYou have a lot of will, you tried your best.â
Thatâs why I was reminded.
I was trying to keep being a child actor because I wanted my mother to say, âYou tried your best.â Even when I only received auditions for extras, I was pleased with praises like that.
I wanted to see that smile, so I was doing my best.
I recalled the sight, and I cried again.
âN? Not satisfied?â
And, after sensei said that, I was forced to stand again, and the spar restarted. When it finished, I barely remembered anything; all I knew was that the hole in my heart was filled.
Indeed, most things will feel better if you move your body in a spar.
After that, I became a formal disciple of the dojo.
âBut, sensei, it was only that day when I cried.â
I tried recalling those days, but as always, I remembered a crybaby. I donât remember crying anytime else.
âN, really? I seem to remember you crying from before that.â
ââŠâŠIf sensei says that, it mustâve been so.â
This frustrating sensei is surprisingly good at reading othersâ hearts.
Around a year and a half ago, bashing to Nana-chan was taking place in television, weekly magazines etc, but people going to this dojo do not see variety shows and I donât read weekly magazines, we didnât know.
In the meantime, the teacher was aware of the what happened to Nana-chan, who I couldnât understand.
I asked Nana-chan with a smiling face, âWhy are you crying?â
But, Nana-chan, still crying, said, âI will quit being a child actress so I donât trouble my family.â
Nana-chan, who always smiled, was crying.
When Nana-chan, who was crying, returned home, sensei and us disciples gathered together.
âFor you irresponsible people, itâs your responsibility.â
âIs it okay to leak the secret?â
âWe should be fine, we wonât leave any evidence.â
âEven if we do leave evidence, that person will disappear mysteriously.â
Because of their anger, they were going to raid peopleâs houses, but I stopped them.
If we attacked all the people accusing Nana-chan, it would be obvious who this was for, and Nana-chanâs position would be bad. Above all, I donât want to have to escape from the police.
While stopping sensei and the others, I quickly contacted Shinosaki-san by phone, and a car drove in. Shinosaki-san quickly persuaded them to stop.
This mightâve been a major incident if I was a step late. Itâs good that they didnât become criminals.
âBy the way, what become of it?â
âFrom then on?â
âThey were saying irresponsible things.â
âAhh, it was like a dying breath.â
Shinosaki-san went to various places where the bashing was done, and demanded the bashing to stop and a formal apology. Most of the places accepted, but there was a program that did not respond in one station but continued bashing.
However, as soon as the movie was released and public opinion changed to the favor of Nana-chan, the program which was bashing was conversely being criticized, and I heard that audience rating of the whole station was bad after that.
âI heard that the host of that program will be tossed down and an apology will be coming in full from the stationâs side.â
âHmm, itâs halfhearted. If I break his neck bone, itâll be good.â
âDonât do that. Nana-chan will be sad if sensei is arrested.â