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Chapter 116
“About yesterday……” Later, I exited the room as if I were running away and took a shower. Leaving the bathroom, I saw Seo Dawon cooking in the kitchen.
‘Did he gain a hobby in cooking?’
I was a bit ashamed 1 since I was the only one in this household that could eat the dishes he made, but I sat at the table without showing an ounce of remorse. If I responded to every single thing like this, it might be a larger burden (or be a target of ridicule).
“So, about yesterday……” I cut the omelet Seo Dawon made into pieces with a fork. I felt awkward eating without talking, so I talked.
The problem was, as soon as I spoke, Kim Olim and Jung Garam, who were originally making conversation amongst each other, turned their attentions onto me. I understood that they had no choice but to be sensitive about whatever left my mouth…Honestly, this damn system was causing me too much trouble.
“Yesterday?” Seo Dawon asked, finishing setting the table by placing Caprese salad, tomato and cheese slices alternating, on the table.
I just shook my head, feeling piercing gazes burned holes into the back of my head. It was far too embarrassing now to ask if I’d done anything strange yesterday.
However, since I’ve already brought it up, I decided to, stuttering slightly, continue to ask, “It’s just that……Since you said I drank a lot of wine yesterday….. I wasn’t too drunk, was I…?”
“You just slept peacefully?” Seo Dawon answered, as if he knew what I was worried about.
Haah, I guess if I’ve done anything that’s worth becoming a dark stain in my past then there’s no way that frivolous Jung Garam wouldn’t have said anything about it. Kim Olim, who despised evil-attribute Users, would have made some comment about how they also cause inconveniences as well.
“Your head doesn’t hurt?”
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“Huh? Um yeah…It hurt for a bit in the morning, but it’s okay now.”
“If it hurts again or something else happens, tell me.”
“……” Still, the strange feeling that surrounded us did not disappear easily. For example: Seo Dawon’s kind attitude. He usually spoke gently, but I didn’t think that the distance between us narrowed that easily… But today, Seo Dawon didn’t joke around and instead seemed genuinely concerned about my body.
‘As expected, did I say some nonsense yesterday? Or did I cry…..’
My most annoying involuntary reaction was crying; I don’t know by which mechanism my tear ducts were controlled, but, if I were to be sad, embarrassed, angry, or scared, the nerves would send the signals to ‘Let it pour! Let it pour!’ So, I always clenched the muscles there whenever I felt like I was about to get emotional.
I touched my eyelids in the shower; I don’t think I cried much yesterday, because they weren’t quite swollen… Perhaps I was overly concerned about Seo Dawon’s behavior because I suddenly thought about ‘him’ yesterday.
Han Ki-seok.
Honestly, Han Ki-seok and Seo Dawon were not objectively similar in looks. Han Ki-seok was a popular guy, but it was a bit hard to compare his face with Seo Dawon….
Come to think of it, Han Ki-seok and Seo Dawon had little in common. To put it simply, Han Ki-seok was a bully. He barrelled into my heart like a ghost in my darkest moments, and, after learning how much I loved him, he lost interest, mocked me, and disappeared.
Though Seo Dawon didn’t feel like the type to deceive me like the other, I was hiding because somehow I felt like the Han Ki-seok incident would happen again.
My appearance itself, back when I liked Han Kiseok, could be considered dark blunder years. 2 Someone who wore their crush on their sleeves–someone who would be perfect for Han Ki-seok to play around with.
That bastard said this often: you’re too easy to read.
Back then, I thought it was merely sweet teasing. To be honest, more than Han Ki-seok, I hated myself whose brain was nothing more than a flowerbed. No–I truly hated Han Ki-seok made me that way. If he had not become a User, I would have lived, swayed by his whims, until university.
Han Kiseok became a User in high school and transferred to the Hub. Just before he left, I found out just exactly what that bastard thought of me.
I was shocked, but it wasn’t like I didn’t suspect it. Even if one is a fool, you’ll start to have a hunch after several cycles of hope and torture hit you in the back of the head. Though, fuck, to have that hunch proven right…..
Afterwards, I consciously kept away from news about Han Ki-seok. I was reminded of him briefly when I became a User, but I couldn’t afford to spare him the mental energy because, after choosing to be a Necromancer, I had to work so hard.
As I grew older, I became mature enough to think ‘how crazy must I have been to be so infatuated with him.’ And, I wasn’t stupid enough to contact him after becoming a User.
“What are you thinking so hard about?” Seo Dawon asked.
“Just, well…… An old friend?”
“Really? I thought you were angry because the omelet tasted awful.
“……Huh? Ah! It’s not that!”
Unconsciously, while thinking of Han Ki-seok, I had been hacking and mutilating the omelet with my fork. I hurriedly apologized and put a piece in my mouth. Worried that I looked too stern or angry, I carefully watched his reactions.
Seo Dawon watched me, his expression betraying his amusement, and eventually asked a question I had been dreading, “Friend, who?”
“J-Just…… Someone I knew long ago.”
“What’s his name?”
“……Would you even know if I told you.”
Seo Dawon became silent then.
It’s only that he didn’t immediately respond, but for some reason, that brief silence tugged at me. I think I answered too snappily. He probably asked without any deeper meaning, but the embarrassment of being so blatantly prodded at made the answer flutter out of my lips.
Eventually, I sighed, “He’s called Han Ki-seok. We both…come from the same high school.”
“You must have been close?”
“What? No! He’s a total jerk, that’s……” Jumping to my feet, I corrected Seo Dawon’s misunderstanding.
Seo Dawon nodded absentmindedly. I could see that he didn’t quite believe me.
I inwardly swore at Han Ki-seok–I felt like I was making excuses because of him. “Han Ki-seok was a bully! Everyday he would ask to borrow money, or to buy him something, or to borrow something…… And then he never paid back…”
“To you?”
“Mhmm……”
Frankly speaking, I was deeply ashamed, but it was all true. When Han Ki-seok asked to hang out, I was dragged into his orbit and donated my already-small allowance to him.
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It wasn’t school violence 3 , I did everything on my own. Despite knowing that Han Ki-seok was the son of a rich family whose standard of living was far beyond mine. It’s amazing, thinking back, how I knew all that and did all that he asked without refusing even once. I was being robbed, but it didn’t feel that way. I had just wanted to become someone worthy of him–I had just appreciated that he had spared me a moment of his time.
“Choi Lee-kyung… Did you go around getting ripped off?”
“I don’t suppose you were being beaten? They still beat you up after seeing your hamster-like face?”
“What do you mean hamster! And, I didn’t get hit. It’s just… just… I had thought of him as a friend…”
Of course, this conversation caught Jung Garam and Kim Olim’s attention.
“Ha!” Jung Garam, doubting me and with sparks in his eyes, muttered “Han Ki-seok….” in a meaningful tone. I felt a bloodlust so thick that if Han Ki-seok were in front of us, he would have been ripped apart, piece by piece.
And, Kim Olim had her arms folded over her chest as if she were unaffected, but she searched for [Han Ki-seok] in my contact list after stealing, at an incredible speed, my cell phone that I had left on the table.
Of course, I had not saved his contact. But, more than anyone else, it was ridiculous to see the Paladin acting so slyly. And…it was a bit funny?
“I said it’s fine…” To see the servants caring for me like that… I was touched and couldn’t stop sniffling.
Well, there were definitely times when Han Ki-seok encouraged me emotionally as well. They could just call me a pushover and move on from this chapter of my story.
“What’s that friend doing nowadays?” Seo Dawon asked.
“I-I don’t know… I haven’t kept in touch.”
“You don’t contact other people that much either. And many people don’t contact you as well.” Seo Dawon’s response felt like a prickly thorn in my sore spots.
I wondered if he acted like that because of my abrupt answer earlier, and I couldn’t hide my emotional state as I rushed to add, “What do you mean people don’t call me! It’s just… There were a lot before, but they’ve stopped since I stopped replying–because I was too busy…”
“Choi Lee-kyung doesn’t seem to have any friends.”
“Is that why you were robbed of your wealth: paying for friends? Necromancer… that’s not how you made friends.”
“What are you saying! I…only did that with Han Ki-seok; I have many friends!”
TL: We’ll learn more about Han Kiseok next chapter :3
Footnotes
낯간지럽다 is like feeling shame because you’ve caused some burden to others. Or you feel that something is being done for an insignificant matter, etc. 흑역사 = black history. Aka something you want to forget. Something cringy/shameful etc 학교 폭력 = School violence, literally. Bullying, in Korea, often has many different labels and is called School Violence. Bullying doesn’t really cover something like teasing etc. It’s more insidious than that–sexual violence, actual violence, isolation until everyone in the school pretends like you don’t exist. Total reputation destruction. Selling you to a gang etc… That’s why Bullying is such a huge deal in Korea and in Korean media.