This conversation reminded me of one I had in the pastāwhen I wasnāt sure of Seo Dawonās heart. At that time, when the Mage asked, āDo my feelings matter?ā I was frustrated and wanted to hit him.
And, above all, this made me feel miserable. If I bravely said that this matter was very important to me, I felt Iād be releasing one of my advantages in this tug-of-war battle I was having with the Mage.
That is to say, I was worried that I would be faced with evidence that Seo Dawon treated me like some toy or joke.
āIn the end, I couldnāt push it further back then. I was too afraid of his true feelings.ā
However, I knew that *this* Seo Dawon was desperately holding onto our tug-of-war rope. In this [Vengeful Ghost Memory], he was neither dead nor obsessed with revenge; however, I could notice that he desperately wanted me by his side.
Thatās why I was able to be firm in my demands. āOf course itās important.ā
āAfter all, you may be holding onto me because you think Iām some unusual pet.ā
At those words, Seo Dawon smiledā
[Do you think Iām Jo Chan-young?]
āFrom my point of view, thereās not much difference between you or him.ā
Despite saying that, Seo Dawon didnāt release me. He lifted me up in his hand, bringing me to eye level, covering my shoulder with a handkerchief he had taken out from his suit pocket.
The handkerchief smelled sweet, as if he had infused it with perfume. I looked at the Mage, bewildered, but I didnāt refuse his kind gesture due to his cold eyes and the chilliness I felt on my bare skin. Seo Dawonās expression became softer as I held the ends of the handkerchief as if the cloth was a shawl.
However, this sudden affection must be an attempt to stall time. As he delicately touched the handkerchief as if he were wrapping a luxurious watch around his wrist, the Mage did not speak. He continued to have a stubborn staring contest with me who stared blatantly back at him.
I gripped his index finger to express my dissatisfaction. At that moment, Seo Dawon gently rubbed that index finger against my cheek as if to soothe me.
After a few seconds, he opened his mouth with a short sighā
[Iā¦ Wanted to endureā¦to hold it inā¦until you returned to normal.]
āYouāre talking about my size?ā
[Honestly, your size is a bit too ācute,ā for me to make an honest confession. I wanted to be certain of my emotions as well.]
I didnāt want to interpret his words in such a way, butā¦ It sounded as if he wanted me to return to a normal human size. That is to say, as soon as I returned to my real self, heād confess straight away.
For some reason, my body wanted to wriggle; my heart began to pound violently. Of course, I didnāt fall for this lip service though. I tried to calm down by pressing my palm to my galloping heart.
āNo! We canāt move past this so fast! For something like that, this hamster sizeā¦ He took advantage of it so much to use that excuse!ā
Even when I thought about it again, this wasnāt how someone who was disappointed about my size would behave. Besides, heās not even antsy eitherā¦
āThe dollhouse he had made for me in earnestā¦ Honestly, even if I stayed this size, he seemed to prefer my inability to escape his graspā¦ā
Even though it was pure lip service, I wanted to hear more of Seo Dawonās excuses.
So, when I unwittingly looked at him with eagerness on my face, Seo Dawon noticed my softened attitudeāwith his ghost-like keennessāand smiledā
[A hamsterās life span is only three yearsā¦ right?]
I shouted, enraged, āHonestlyā¦! Iām not a real hamster!ā
[Itād be easier if you were a real hamster. Besides, you havenāt told me why youāre in this situation either.]
[You acted as if you knew me intimately when you first met me. Furthermore, you actually knew my personality well. However, I didnāt know you, so I had to be cautious.]
[You donāt have anything more to say about this?]
My mouth clammed up from the sudden counterattack. To try and explain a [Vengeful Ghost Memory] to someone within that memoryā¦
I thought Iād fail, no matter what. The Mage continued calmly as if he had expected my reactionā
[Even so, you expect me to be honest with you. How greedy.]
As Seo Dawon had said, perhaps I was making an unreasonable demand. He placed my fingernail-sized hand on top of his fingertips and rubbed it gently. As ifā¦he were fiddling with my hands.
Then, he approached close to my face before slowly pulling me even closer.
I was a little puzzled, but I stayed still; soon, his lips came closer. It would have been scary if those lips widened before my eyes, but Seo Dawon didnāt eat me (!) and instead pressed his lips hard to my head.
When I raised my head, surprised at the heavy pressure, Seo Dawon looked down at me with a smile. My reflection was caught in his night-like eyes.
I hurriedly lowered my head again because I was embarrassed and shy, but I couldnāt block my ears from hearing the words that followed.
[But I still want to believe you becauseā¦ you sometimes stare at me with an unbelievably adorable face.]
Listening to the Mageās mutters, I felt my ears turn a burning red.
I hurriedly tried to bow my head even lower, but Seo Dawonās creeping fingertip lifted my face; the Mage scrutinized my expression. Half-mischievous and half-uncertain, he askedā
[If I say what I need to, will you stay calmly by my side?]
[Should I be more explicit with my words?]
I almost nodded at Seo Dawonās smiling face, butā¦ I still managed to retain my wits and consciousness that my goal hadnāt changed despite this tender atmosphere. I had come so far and had managed to draw this much attention.
āBang Eunji is sure to be watchingā¦ā
Does she still think that I havenāt seduced the Mage according to her standards?
The only reason I could stop this entire matter from becoming a mess was because I could keep in mind that I was within a [Vengeful Ghost Memory], but, honestly, I was too weak to Seo Dawonās face.
The Mage in front of me felt a bit unpolishedāas he would have been when he was alive. Perhaps it was more accurate to state that the Mage had a harder time filtering out his awkward and hesitant inner emotions.
The hand holding me was a little tense, the area of his cheek surrounding the corners of his lips was a little rigid, and his large smile was gradually extinguishing. I found it lovable how the Mage tried to bluff his nonchalanceāthat he wasnāt affected.
I wanted to enjoy, for a long while, this manās honest affections even though the Mageās cheeks didnāt blush. I needed to tear my eyes away from his faceāfrom this unexpected cute sideābefore I was ruinedā¦ Everything felt so different from previous memories, where I felt that I couldnāt quite intervene.
And the more he showed how different he was from the Seo Dawon that I knewā¦
āI really miss the real Seo Dawonā¦ā
A deep longing flooded my body.
When I thought of the real Mage, my mouth didnāt open easily. I lowered my gaze a little, while still keeping the fake Seo Dawon in view; the ring that the real āSeo Dawonā had placed on my finger before I had entered this [Vengeful Ghost Memory] caught my eye.
āIf I return and sayā¦that this ring was of no use, what would he say? Will he be flustered?ā
From then on, my brain began to be filled with thoughts about the real Mage.
āDonāt tell me heās going to treat me like a fool for not knowing how to utilize it?ā
To be frank, I had no idea how this ring worked. However, considering how the Seo Dawon here recognized that I was a āpersonā after the ring shone, the accessory wasnāt completely unhelpful.
At that moment, suddenly, a dark shadow fell on my head.
āHuh? Ahā¦.ā I focused again on the āSeo Dawonā in front of me, wiping away my diverted thoughts.
However, the Mage somehow looked displeased; he looked at my hand which was still stuck atop his fingertip, and then he looked towards the ringed finger I was looking at until a little while ago. I tried to read his countenance; the man gave off an ominous feeling.
āCan he see this ring as wellā¦?ā
[Come to think of it, I was curious about this. Who gave you the ring?]
[The design is the same as my own ring.]
āDamn itā¦ As expected, Seo Dawon must also have this same exact ring during this time period.ā I smiled awkwardly, worried that I was now truly in a fix.