Chapter 143 - Mother

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The interrupted memory began again when I was standing in front of the hospital room, soaking wet.

I don’t remember how many minutes or hours I ran around.

The soles of my feet were in terrible pain from going barefoot and were covered in blisters and cuts.

For some reason, I was afraid to open the door and couldn’t take a single step.

The interior lights of the hospital were dim and that made me feel uncomfortable.

It took courage for me to remember why I was standing here.

“Kunpei…. mom is waiting for you.”

My father, who was soaking wet like me, pushed my back.

My cheek, which had been slapped earlier, ached slightly.

I was sheltering from the wind and rain in the multi-story parking lot of the department store I wanted to go to, when my father appeared out of nowhere, out of breath, and hit me. He then hugged me strongly then gently and brought me here.

It was already dark outside, and the rain hadn’t stopped yet.

“Dad, why are we in the hospital? Is Shouhei sick?”

“…It’s okay, just go. Mom, isn’t mad.”

I thought that Shouhei’s condition had gotten worse because I had been selfish.

In hindsight, there was no relationship at all, but as a young child, I could only think that way.

“U-un.”

He pushed me gently again, and I finally grabbed the handle of the door.

The door, which was a sliding door, opened much more smoothly than I had imagined, and I squinted a little at the bright lights inside.

“… Kunpei?”

I heard my mother’s voice.

It was definitely my mother’s voice, but it was muffled and hard to make out.

She was lying on the bed and turned her head to look at me while stretching her arms out from under the covers towards me.

“Kunpei, thank god… Where have you been? Your father found you, didn’t he? Are you hurt? Ah, you’re soaking wet, Kouhei-kun, there’s a towel over there. Oh, your feet are all injured! We need to see a doctor. The reception isn’t closed yet, right?”

“It’s fine, you go back to sleep.”

She wriggled her body to get up, but father immediately stopped her.

Her voice was muffled because she was wearing an oxygen mask.

I didn’t know what it was called at the time, but I immediately understood that it was something that sick people often wore on TV.

“M-mom! Why? What’s wrong with you? Dad!”

I immediately ran to the bed and grabbed her hand.

“What? Mom…?”

My mother’s hands that were always warm and gentle.

My favorite hands were as cold as ice.

“Ah, your hands are so cold… make sure to take a bath as soon as you get home…”

“It’s your hands that are cold!”

She was more worried more about my body than her own.

She grabbed my hand with a hand that didn’t have any strength in it at all, and I couldn’t help but feel uneasy as he talked to me in the same way she usually did.

I couldn’t help but interrupt her loudly, and she let go of my hand, took off her oxygen mask, and put her index finger over her mouth.

“Shh. Shouhei is asleep. This is a hospital, so you need to be quiet, okay?”

“Shouhei?”

With those words, I realized for the first time that Shouhei was asleep next to Mom.

A cooling sheet was placed on his forehead, and he was breathing hard, gripping Mom’s shoulder with his eyes closed.

“… Kunpei, sorry about the department store, okay?”

“No, it’s alright. I’m sorry I was so selfish too. Let’s go again some other time when Mom and Shouhei are feeling better.”

It was at this point that I was finally able to be honest.

It was my fault for not listening to her.

Shouhei’s body is weak and it was all my fault that I had troubled her by saying all that.

My dad patted me on the head.

His hand, which always crumpled my hair without hesitation, was very unreliable at that moment.

When I looked at my father’s face, he looked at me as if he was troubled, and his mouth was bent into a crooked line.

“Kunpei, make a promise with Mom.”

I looked at mom again.

My mother, who looked somewhat pale, smiled gently and stroked my cheek.

“Promise?”

“Yes, a promise.”

She slowly sat up to not wake Shouhei up, and cupped my cheeks with both her hands.

I felt the cold hand gradually regaining its temperature, and with a sense of relief, I rubbed my cheek against her hand.

“The most important thing is to protect Shouhei. You’re his big brother, so make sure you help him when he’s in trouble or in danger, okay?”

“You don’t have to tell me that.”

He’s my cute, precious, and important little brother.

It’s only natural to protect him.

“Yes, as expected of a big brother. Next time, don’t trouble your father too much.”

“Dad is the one that makes fun of me, you know?”

It was always me who was annoyed by my father, who would poke fun of me with an unpleasant smile on his face.

I’m not sure what to do. I’m sure you’re not the only one. Mom said that Dad was always working hard for Kaoru and Shohei, so she didn’t want him to be too selfish. Yeah, but sometimes it’s okay, okay? Until they’re a little older, selfishness is their prerogative.

“Ahaha, when he does that, make sure to fight back, okay? Dad is always working hard for Kunpei and Shouhei, so she doesn’t want him to be too selfish. Ah, but it’s fine occasionally, okay? Until you’re older, selfishness is a privilege for Kunpei and Shouhei.”

“What do you mean by ‘privilege’?”

She pinched my cheek more forcefully than before, and I almost forgot that I was in a hospital room, as if she was as usual.

“It’s a special right for children. Also, if you see someone in trouble, help them, okay? Pretending not to see something is something uncool boys do. But don’t hit or kick them. Ask the adults around you to help, and just make sure you don’t get hurt, okay?”

“U-un.”

At this point, I noticed that my mother’s attitude was strange.

What she was saying was the same as always, but it seemed as if she was not included in the promise.

The anxiety that had once receded came out again, and I put my own hand on top of hers hand that was cupping my cheek, and squeezed it tightly.

“Make sure to eat your meals every day. I’ve taught you a little about cooking, but don’t do anything too complicated, okay? Never mess around when you are using knives and fire, okay? Also, make sure to take a bath every day. I don’t want you to have to be told to take a bath like you’ve been doing now. Make sure to brush your teeth before you go to bed, and make sure you finish your homework. Don’t play too many games, okay? Don’t eat too many snacks. Oh, and also…”

“Kaori.”

My father stopped my mother who was speaking in a hurried manner.

Still resting his hand on my head and not wiping the dripping water from his wet body, my dad looked at my mom with sorrowful eyes.

“… Un.”

She made eye contact with my father, nodded deeply once, and looked at me again.

“… Kazamachi Kunpei waits for the wind. Do you remember?”

“U-un. I remember it well.”

It’s something that has been told to me since I was a child, a god luck charm that gives me courage.

I don’t even know how many hundreds or thousands of times I’ve heard that spell, but I remembered it all.

“Kazamachi Kunpei waits for the wind. He smells the scent of the wind and flies whenever and wherever he wants to… Whenever you have a hard time, remember this incantation. When you want to cry, it’s okay to cry. When you want to run away, you can run away. But be sure to grit your teeth and try your best not to lose at least once. Kunpei is a kid that won’t lose… isn’t he? You’re my pride and joy.”

Mom spoke to me in her beautiful, gentle voice that I love.

“Yes, yes. You can’t lose, okay?”

To what?

To whom?

I nodded vigorously, without questioning the details.

“Yes, good boy. A really good boy. My treasures…”

My mother was crying.

Her eyes were dyed red and she was trying to keep her voice from trembling, but she couldn’t hold back the tears.

I was shocked as if my heart had been pierced and I was at a loss for words.

It was the first time I had ever seen my mother cry.

“M-mom? That was all a lie, you know? I didn’t really mean what I said earlier. I’m sorry… I’m sorry… uwah. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for leaving, I’m sorryyyyy.”

There’s no way my mom and dad would hate me.

But I made my mom cry because I said something like that.

When I thought about it, I couldn’t understand what was going on.

Something hot and unstoppable surged from the back of my eyes, becoming large tears that flowed out all at once.

“No, that’s not it Kunpei. It’s me who needs to apologize. It’s not Kunpei’s fault. I’m sorry, okay? I love you, Kunpei. I love you so much!”

“Uwaaaaaahh, hic, uwaaaaah!”

I continued to cry in my mother’s chest as she hurriedly hugged me, not knowing how to make amends.

“Because I love Kunpei, I have to tell you the truth. So, you know what? Kunpei, Kunpei, Kunpei, aah, my Kunpei.”

She kept calling my name as if she was delirious.

She clung to me desperately, so tightly that my body ached from the hug.

She didn’t care about my rain-soaked shirt and continued to hug me tightly.

“…Kaori. I can do it if it’s too difficult.”

My father muttered as he sat on the bed, stroking Shouhei’s hair,

“No, I’ve decided a long time ago that I’ll tell Kunpei properly. Shouhei is still too young to understand, so I will at least tell Kunpei. I don’t want to lie to him until the end.”

She suddenly pushed me away and grabbed me by the shoulders.

Taken by surprise, I gulped and opened my eyes to look at my mother.

I’ll never forget those beautiful eyes, filled with deep sadness, affection, and strong determination.

“Kunpei, I…”

She slowly opened her pale pink lips and told me.

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“…I’m going to die soon.”

I was in the fourth grade and Shouhei was in kindergarten.

After that day, my mother never came home again.

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