The Blue Monster's Shell Volume 1 Chapter 1 part1-2

Translated by iseuli

Edited by RisAnon

Part 1

I learned in the past that humans would experience flashes of their entire lives in the face of death.  I wondered whether it would happen to me even though I was born a monster. The answer: yes. An overwhelming amount of memories had played in my mind as I struggled to breathe in my last moments as I could only look at the spear tightly lodged in my chest.

My body felt heavy, like I was buried deep inside a swamp. I could barely see what was happening as the figures of knights raided into the cabin just ahead.

“We found him!”

A few moments later, they dragged out a small boy. The boy turned 15 this year. The boy, who originally resided in this forest with me, was chained up and dragged out, as if he was a wild beast of this forest.

“No… don’t take him!”

I screamed in desperation but all that I could manage was a low murmuring croak. Nobody heard me, except the boy as he looked my way toward my voice. He moved his mouth to say something, but I couldn’t manage to piece together what he was trying to say. In moments, he was tossed into a carriage like a piece of luggage. The knight slammed the door shut and attached a lock; I could only silently watch as everything occurred before me.

“Stop. Why… are you taking the child?”

I mustered my remaining strength to speak. However, nobody answered my question. The knights ignored me and simply rained down brutal attacks with their spears. I grabbed the ankle of the knight in front of me, but I was helpless against their strong armor. They stomped and smashed me into the ground.

“This one is stubborn, bring the oil.”

With a single command, the soldiers moved to hurriedly pour oil onto me. Then, a man flicked his half smoked cigar to my direction. Flames engulfed my body at once, but I didn’t care. I didn’t feel worried for my own life, I only worried where they would be taking the child.

The child peered out the window of the carriage, and our eyes met. The child’s face looked tear stained. He wore a blank expression, but I felt deep sorrow from his eyes. I wondered if the boy was sad because I would soon die. No, that was impossible. There was no way anyone could care for a monster like me.

I couldn’t look away from the child, and I knew it was an impossible thought. It might have been selfish of me, but I hoped that the boy would feel sad for my death.

“Perrin.”

I called the child, but everyone had long gone. I could only silently watch the carriage grow distant. I was one of the strongest monsters in this Forest of Monsters. Who would have known that a supreme monster like me would die trying to protect a mere child.

The flames burned my flesh, but the only pain I could feel was the loneliness in my heart.

“It would have been nice if we had a bit more time… even if it would have been just a short moment together.”

It would have been nice if I had more time with the child. My vision gradually fell into darkness as I continued to regret many things in my heart. As time passed, my senses disappeared, but my mind didn’t sleep and remained alert. All the memories of my life flooded into my mind at once.

My birth, my life, our first meeting, and all the moments we spent together, I realized that I could only meet the child again in my memories from now on.

Perrin, the child that I loved so much, the child who hated me to the bone, I regretted so much that I would die and leave the child all alone in this world.

Part 2

Being born into this world was my first memory. I was a monster. I don’t mean it as an idiom, but in a literal sense, I was a combination of different life forms artificially put together by a cult mage that had been exiled from his country.

When I awoke in this world, I found myself in the Forest of Monsters. The life forms of this land had become contaminated by the twisted and cursed energies that was manifested in this land.

One could easily discover plants with horns, and bugs with heads of animals. It was a common sight to find animals that had evolved to become several meters long. I too, had been born and created in such a place, naturally I couldn’t have been anything else but a monster.

When I was born, I looked like a human. However, my organs and muscles were that of monsters. My bones were pulled from dogs that were more than seven meters tall, and the cult mage had surgically stitched more than 30 different species of monsters into my body.

I was originally a parasitic monster with the ability to absorb nutrients from other living organisms. Though my physical appearance was like any other human, there was no way to call someone like me, a ‘human.’

“How did you become such trash….”

The cult mage, my father called me a failure. He had envisioned me as a strong warrior who would be blindly loyal, intelligent, and without any sense of self. Though his vision started this way, I turned out quite differently than he had originally planned.

“How did I create such a blockheaded dunce?”

I awoke in the form of a three year old child. My body was so weak that I could barely walk, but on the flip side, my sense of self was incredibly strong. I couldn’t be any more different than the ‘blindly loyal warrior,’ he originally envisioned. There wasn’t a single thing my father liked about me.

“You are a failure. Worthless trash. You disgust me!”

My father raised me with these kind of words. No, he had the smallest hope that I would grow up into something useful. He educated me in all sorts of subjects from basic noble etiquette to the history of this world, he even educated me of the various nobel factions and their darkest secrets.

I had no idea why my father required me to learn these things, but I memorized every bit of information he taught me.

When my physical body matured somewhat, my father began teaching me magic and swordsmanship. Learning from a genius didn’t make me into a genius.

“Oh my god…. This is too different than what I had intended. If you can’t cast magic, you should at least be able to do a thing or two with the sword!”

My father observed my tiny fireball with pure disappointment. Whenever I failed to cast magic in the way he wished, he battered me ruthlessly with his cane. If I couldn’t hold onto my sword and tripped from fatigue, he would stomp and kick me. However, even though he put in so much effort to teach me, there was no way I could grow exponentially stronger so quickly when I had the body of a mere child.

“Father, stop hitting me.”

I expressed my complaints to him.

“I don’t have talent in swordsmanship, but didn’t you say that it’s difficult to learn magic? Isn’t it good that I can already cast at least a small amount of magic?”

I protested that I was actually doing quite well, but all I got in return was painful kicks. I was a failed creation with a weak constitution and meager magic skills to add, but I was confident in my ability to memorize. I memorized all the magic theories to meet my father’s expectations. I memorized all the theories of swordsmanship as well. I memorized every last word of all the books he threw at me.

“At least you have a working memory.”

This was the extent of his praise for me. I could fully memorize all the magic related books and papers. I could duplicate perfect magic circles onto papers, but he just looked at me with disgust. I once heard him mumble under his breath that unusable theories were nothing but trash.

“Father, I…I. I don’t want to learn magic. It’s not fun.”

That was the second time I expressed my true feelings to him. I thought that he would kick me, but father just looked at me with an amused expression.

“Then what do you want to learn? Archery? Martial Arts?”

I never imagined that father would actually show any interest in me like this. I was shocked, and hesitated. Nevertheless, I sprinted back into our cave dwelling to fetch something. I went to fetch my storybook that was the color of the sky. This was the first book that father bought for me when I began learning how to read. I showed father my book.

“I like these things. These novels are fun so buy me more.”

My father replied by throwing his cup at my head. The cup shattered on my forehead and water drenched my book. To repair my book, I laid each page out in the sunlight to dry, but the distorted pages could no longer return to its original form.

The letters inside the book had become illegible as the water had blotched the ink, and the drawing of the knight riding the dragon had become a puddle of mushed color. I cried very much for the first time in my life. My father however, came stomping out and kicked me to make me stop crying.

“You useless thing…! You can’t cry in a place like this!”

It was the first time I saw my father so furious. I was so scared that all my tears disappeared in an instant. I could only manage to fearfully cower under his terrifying glare.

“It is absolutely taboo to cry in this forest. If you make too much noise, the monsters of this forest will start gathering!”

“Monsters…? Why? Father, you set up a magic circle in this vicinity. This place is safe.”

“Stupid fool. Do you think magic is impenetrable? If you ever fall into danger, I will not save you. If you don’t want to get eaten, then you better behave yourself.”

If you want to die, just continue to cry. My father said that sharply, so I quickly forced myself to stop crying. Father was never wrong. If he said monsters would come, then they would truly come. If he said he would not help me, then it meant that he would not help me. In exchange for my book, I learned the most important life lesson. I learned that I must never cry in this forest. Those that cried would be eaten by others.

“What is his problem? Will he be stronger if he’s moved into a new body?”

He continued his research. He watched me grow weaker by the day and ultimately decided to change his ways with me. First, he dismembered my limbs and attached other monster parts onto my body. He even cut open my stomach to switch out my organs with the organs of much stronger monsters.

I could easily attach to other hosts since the core of my body was parasitic. My parasitic nature was very strong, so even when other monster parts were forced onto me, I was able to physically adjust without a problem. He continued to assimilate many living organisms into my body, until they fully fused with my own.

He wanted me to become much stronger. Father cut me apart, and put me back together so he could reach his ultimate goal. But in the end, I wouldn’t say he was very successful.

The body parts which were forced onto me, became very twisted. It was difficult to stand properly, so I had to crawl when I needed to go anywhere. That was the first 15 years of my life that I lived with my father. In the end, father abandoned me. My body couldn’t endure anymore experiments and began to breakdown. I had been artificially created, so my body must have reached its limit.

“So disgusting. What the hell are you?”

He said to me on the first day my body began to fall apart. Father looked at me with absolute horror in his eyes. One of my arms was melting and sloughing off. Then, half of my face fell off. My body as a whole began to melt and break, even my bones that held everything together.

I became a mound of mixed monster flesh just like the form I was before I gained consciousness: a formless pile of squirming meat.

“Fa… father… I- my body, is strange.”

I struggled and formed a mouth. I split apart my dull blue squishy flesh, and formed it into a human mouth. The only part I could reform was my mouth. I couldn’t form my human hands, arms, or body. My voice sounded winded and tired.

“He still has his consciousness intact… return to your human form. If you can’t, I’m going to abandon you here.”

Father said with furrowed brows. I tirelessly worked to return to my former self. I reformed my melted bones, and then dragged my melted flesh back onto my bones. Human fingers, toes, eyes, nose, and mouth. I used all my strength to reform myself.

Sometimes, I would be able to return to my human form. Other times, I could only transform halfway. I looked like a walking human skeleton with half of its flesh melted off. Whenever father saw me in this form, he threw up and cursed me out.

From time to time, I succeeded and appeared before him as a perfect human. But, he never complimented me for it. I could only maintain the form for a short while, and within a few days my body would melt once again.

“This is wrong. I need to find a different way,” suddenly he said these words to me one day.

After my body began to degrade, my father remained with me for only eight additional months. He’d gathered all dozens of full length research volumes, magic theories, and formulas for his reagent into one place and burned everything down to ash.

When he confirmed everything was completely destroyed, he left without regret as he has never turned back or returned to this place. He threw me away and at the time, I didn’t realize that he had abandoned me. There were many things left in the cave we lived in, and so I thought he only left for a short outing.

“Father is very late.”

The plates lay shattered on the ground, old tattered clothes were thrown about here and there, and piles of miscellaneous magazines were scattered all over the place. I didn’t understand that everything my father left here was just mere trash to him. Dust continued to collect on top of his belongings as I patiently waited for him. I used all the strength left in me to move my body, I even cleaned my father’s clothes and fixed them up.

“Would he return today?”

Father used his magic to leave the forest like he usually did. He would purchase the necessary items and return here. I couldn’t imagine any other possibility. One day. Two days. A month. A year. Could something have happened? Why was he so late?

I circled the small patch in front of the cave while thinking of these thoughts. I continued to practice maintaining my human form as I counted down the days.

I spent three years like that when suddenly the magic protection circle my father made around the cave vicinity lost all power. The magic protection circle, which deflected the monster attacks, was completely depleted. My safe fortress returned to a normal cave dwelling, which meant that the monsters could come invade to this place to eat me at any time.

“Ah…”

So I was thrown away. I only realized after three years had passed. No, I didn’t want to accept reality.

How could he leave without a single word of goodbye? Did father truly not have an ounce of affection for me? The answer to this question remained inside my cave dwelling. All that was left inside the cave were what he considered to be trash- which included me. My father probably gave up on me completely. What I felt at that time… yes, it should have had been disappointment. I felt disappointed. I originally thought I would live out all of my life with my father, but since I could no longer live out my days with my father… I felt very disappointed.

“Why was I abandoned?”

I hated my father who left me. But at the same time, I continued to wait for him. I held onto hope that there was an accident and he couldn’t return due to some uncontrollable circumstances. He might return today, I thought. He might return tomorrow. He would probably bring many volumes of novels to apologize for his lateness. The more hope I held in my heart, the more hollow I felt inside. The hollowness in me gradually turned to resentment, and the resentment taught me much about life.

“It was wrong for me to give affection to a human in the first place.”

It might have been a different story if I could maintain my human form. It was impossible for anyone to feel any form of affection for a broken monster like me in the first place. I realized that a monster like me could easily be abandoned at any time. After realizing this, I was able to throw away any hope I held in my heart. I stopped practicing maintaining my human form. I began to live out my life, in my natural form.

If I say so myself, I was indeed a very strange organism. My entire body had melted and deformed, but I could breathe.

My brain had melted, but I could think logically and clearly. My eyes were gone, but I could see what was in front of me. My organs were gone, but I could still eat. I didn’t know what kind of organism I was suppose to be. However, I never once stopped to question the type of organism that I was.

“A monster.”

Yes, I was a monster. No matter how someone portrayed me, I could only be described as nothing but a monster. To hunt, I flattened my body to trap my prey and suffocated them to death. I absorbed the nutrients from their corpses once they died. When I finished eating, my prey would turn to dust. I’ve felt a sense of disharmony with the human aspect of myself.

I felt very uncomfortable when I tried to maintain my human form. I remembered the days when I was very weak and realized something. My father had tried to forcefully mold me into something unnatural. I originally had more than enough strength to maintain my body, but my new physical mold wasn’t strong enough to withstand the energy that I manifested. So, it was only natural that I would find it difficult to move. The longer I tried to maintain my human form, the faster my energy depleted, in my human form I could only manage to move around by crawling.

When my body gained strength, living in this forest became very easy. I lived alone in the forest for many years. Then, before I realized it, I had become a very strong monster. I had claimed the center point of the Forest of Monsters as my own territory, and was considered one of the strongest predators. This was me.

I’d consider that my life at this point was pretty bright. I was living day by day with satisfaction, but everything changed when I met a child that would flip my world upside down. I was determined to never give another human an ounce of my affection, but I couldn’t help but grow attached to the child. I would even give my own life to save the child, but in the end I couldn’t protect the child at all.

Perrin Egloff.

The eight years I spent with the child were more precious than anything in this world. This was of course only in my case. Most probably for the child, the time would have felt like he was living in hell. I had heard the child say it himself many times over.

The child hated me. The things I did to the child… I didn’t realize at the time, but it would most likely had been abusive.

Though I cared for the child, the child most likely disliked me to the bone.

The fact that I knew this, made me feel very sad.

T/N: This is a 19+ story, but nothing happens until later in the adult life. I never want to spoil the story, but I know there are people who might be concerned. I’ve read the entire story so if you have any questions such as these, please feel free to ask in the whimsical discord or comment below (discord is the best.) Also, the author has very inconsistent chapter lengths. The chapters themselves are sectioned by the author and I will be using these for future releases. I will try to post two parts a week. Sometimes, if the parts are very short like the first part of this story, I might post three.