The Blue Monster's Shell Volume 1 Chapter 2 part5-6
Translated by iseuli
Part 5
It was late night by the time we returned to our cave dwelling. I started a fire and propped him upright by the cave wall.
A human child’s skin did not have any resistance against the acidic blood of a snake. Cold sweat dripped all throughout his body as the inflammation on his arm worsened. The snake’s blood chemically burned through his skin and caused his arm to be covered in small and huge blisters. I remained still and quietly looked on. I didn’t know what to do to help, and so I could only stare on.
When monsters suffer grave injuries, we sleep to heal. After resting a few days, our bodies would have regenerated to perfect health once again. In the case that the monster didn’t have regenerative abilities, they would sleep until their wounds closed up. But humans were different.
[Humans die over mere fevers all the time. Without proper treatment, humans could die from the smallest of wounds.]
“Ah… this.”
He might die, I concluded while observing Perrin. The boy had faced many life threatening situations as he endured to survive in this forest. I had always watched and had been with him. In the past, I had simply watched on thinking, ‘he will probably die soon.’ However, this day was different somehow.
Perrin couldn’t stretch out or fold in his arm due to pain, and just sat down in an uncomfortable position. His cheeks were flushed red from his fever, and he shivered while dripping in cold sweat. Whenever he grimaced or quietly groaned in pain, I could only anxiously circle around him. I didn’t understand why, but I couldn’t sit still at all.
“Medicine.”
Yes, medicine. When humans hurt themselves, they would apply medicine. Medicine and gauze. Something to apply onto wounds. I left Perrin for a bit, and hurried to the inner cave. I dug through the collection of junk that I kept, hoping something would turn up. However, as usual the reality of life was not pretty.
Father burned anything he considered magically useful, whether they were raw ingredients or not. I couldn’t find anything that would be useful for Perrin. I contemplated for awhile, and gathered all the old clothes. I collected my father’s clothes, my own clothes, and even the winter blankets. I carried them out to our usual camping location.
I piled them to a corner of the cave. The pile of clothes had a bad smell and were covered in dust, but I succeeded in making a soft bed for him to rest. This would be a better place to rest than the cold dirt floor of the cave.
“Sleep here.”
I had confidence in the bed that I made, but I wasn’t confident that Perrin would want to rest here. Perrin hated me. He might not like the idea of resting in a bed that I prepared for him. So, I commanded him to sleep as firmly as I could, but I was unconsciously walking on eggshells.
“Your arm will recover after resting. We immediately washed off the blood, so it will be okay. Just rest, and you will be fine.”
Perrin didn’t say anything. He looked at the pile of clothes, and then stood up. He tiredly walked over to the pile of clothes and plopped down.
“Ah.”
He laid down. He is resting on the small bed I made for him. Perrin would sleep there tonight. I suddenly wanted to boast and show off to someone.
He nestled himself into the pile of clothes and closed his eyes. However, it seemed the pain persisted and he couldn’t rest. Perrin persisted to move around while gritting his teeth in pain. He curled up like a small worm, as his arm painfully trembled.
I still remember that day very clearly. The fire had continued to burn as the shadows wavered on the cave walls, and the owls hooted through the dark night. I remember that I had felt a crushing numb pain deep inside my chest.
“Perrin.”
I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. I wanted to help apply medicine to his wounds, but I had no medicine. I wanted to wrap a bandage around his arm, but I had no bandages. There was nothing that I could do for him, all I could do was simply watch on as he grimaced in pain. Blankly, and vacantly. I stood motionless, and stared. After many hours of simply staring, I suddenly realized what I could do for him.
“Hush-bye, Hush-bye.”
A lullabye is supposed to work for children who couldn’t sleep. I came up with this solution, but I wasn’t sure what a song was supposed to be. I only memorized the lyrics and I wasn’t sure of the tone or rhythm for this song. Still, I tried my best to help the child sleep. I recited the words from the book I read.
“Hush-bye, Hush-bye.”
Hush-bye, Hush-bye. There was no beat or rhythm at all. I spoke the words as if I was reading it straight out of a book. Perrin tiredly opened his eyes at my words. His eyes appeared unfocused, I couldn’t feel his usual hatred that I always saw in his eyes. I only saw the face of a tired child. Perrin opened his mouth to say something. But he didn’t have enough energy to speak, and only let out tired breaths.
“Don’t speak. It’s fine to just sleep.”
I slightly reached out to him. I hesitated before I pat the child’s chest, I wasn’t sure if this was okay. My hand hovered just above the child for a moment, then I decided to retract my hand. Perrin watched me and blinked.
“What do I…”
What did I want to do for this child? I picked up the clothes that spilled out the sides. I quietly covered his feet with them, then ever so lightly pat his feet.
“Hush-bye, Hush-bye.”
This was all I could do for the child. That night, I recited the lyrics next to Perrin until daybreak.
Part 6
I was able to fully recover by the next morning. All the parts of my body that were blown off regenerated to its original state. However, it was different for Perrin. He was still fighting his fever. The pain shooting from his arm probably didn’t allow him a wink of sleep.
“Water… yes. Do you want water?”
I noticed his dried lips and deduced his needs. I went to the lake, and transformed a part of myself into a bowl and filled it with water to bring for Perrin.
Usually, he would have refused me, but this time he complied and drank the water that I brought for him. He looked very tired that he couldn’t even muster the energy to speak. I set some water near his lips, and he drank slowly. He greatly resembled a–.
“A bird.”
Just like a baby bird +. This wasn’t the situation to think of these things, but I couldn’t help it. He greatly resembled the baby birds I read about in books.
“A yellow bird.”
His blond hair resembled the yellow bird from my memory.
“Perrin, you look like a bird.”
I conveyed my feelings to him, but he didn’t reply. At this, I suddenly felt very sad. By noon time, pus was starting to spew from Perrin’s wounds. As time passed, Perrin’s expression crumpled and darkened. He could only manage to barely breathe. Seeing this, I bundled Perrin in a blanket of clothes. I was careful not to touch his arms, and then set him ontop of my head and headed out the cave.
“What… what are you doing?”
“I am going to a place where you can sleep. You couldn’t sleep all night. You need rest.”
Recovery comes only after rest. It’s the same whether one was human or a monster. So, I decided this was the most urgent.
“A place I can sleep… where is that?”
“The marsh. It is a barren land. There are marshes all around the forest, I also have one at the eastern side of my territory. It’s not too far.”
The marshes were uninhabitable land. The area was very humid and at a glance, the area seems like a swamp, but the ground was sturdier than it appeared for it to be considered a swamp.
“It’s a bit dangerous there… but you seem more consciously alert than yesterday, so I think it will be alright to try.”
“Try what?”
“To make you unconscious.”
My explanation was very vague, and Perrin didn’t bother to give any sort of response to my words.
“The energies of the forest marshes are very concentrated and twisted. Due to this, the ground has mostly rotted, and releases a unique gas.”
Monsters instinctively avoid the marshes of this forest. However, time to time, monsters purposely come to this place. Monsters who are injured past the point of possible recovery come to find this place.
“If you go there, you will not feel pain.”
The gas released in the marsh affects consciousness and mental state. It is known to cause hallucinations and stupify the brain. There were an infinite number of symptoms to breathing in this gas. But one common link was that it nulled any sort of pain.
“We will use this so that you won’t need to be in pain.”
“So I will go insane.”
Perrin listened to my explanation and paraphrase it into simpler terms. He’s not exactly wrong. If anyone were to inhale the gas for an extended period of time, it could permanently affect the mind. So, this was quite dangerous, but as long as we were careful, it would be very useful for us.
“We will stay there for only a moment, so it will be okay. In the first place, the gas is not poisonous enough to kill.”
Losing consciousness and sanity in this forest was the same as suicide. This was usually a last resort, and monsters didn’t frequent this place as long as their life wasn’t hanging by a thread.
“It’s dangerous there at night because the gas is very concentrated. However, in the day…. At this time it should be fine to briskly use the place for relief.”
“What if the both of us lose our touch with reality? Do you want to die together?”
“No. The gas doesn’t affect me at all. So, you don’t need to worry. When I feel enough time has passed, I will help you out again.”
“Really?”
“Yes. As I said, the gas itself isn’t very dangerous. About an hour or two of inhaling the gas will only make you slightly confused. The poison of the gas will quickly disappear by itself after some time. Your health will not be affected in any way, so don’t worry.”
The reason the marsh gas was dangerous was because it causes mental confusion. Once the gas affects the mind, one will not be able to get a hold of themselves for hours on end. It’s common for monsters to stray into the forest completely defenceless in such a confused state of mind.
This was why the marsh was a dangerous place, and this was the reason all monsters instinctively avoided this place.
“Perrin. You didn’t rest at all because of pain. You’re not able to eat or drink anything other than water. If you continue in this state for days on end, then your arm….”
…would rot. Perrin didn’t react at all to my quiet warning. He should be aware as well. His wounds which were oozing pus would probably fester very easily at this rate. If we miss the most crucial period of recovery, his wounds would fester. We must prevent that before it was too late. He had to recover at least a little bit of his stamina again.
“You need to sleep and eat properly. Only then, can you hope to recover. This is the same for humans and monsters.”
“….”
“Can you feel your arm at all?”
“Yes.”
“Can you move your fingeR?”
“I can move it.”
“Good. Then it will be okay.”
This meant his arm was not dead yet. He still had hope to live on. I carried Perrin and walked for more than an hour. I struggled to find my way around due to the changed terreign after the earthquake, but after crossing over a single canyon, I was able to arrive to my destination.
“This place will be good.”
We were not too far but not too close. The wind gently carried the gas up to this place very faintly. I let Perrin rest against a boulder. We were in the immediate vicinity of the lifeless land. Even though we were not directly on the marsh, there wasn’t a single living tree all around this place. The ground color changed to black and a strange nauseating smell wafted in this barren land.
“This place… feels horrible.”
“Yes, it will be so.”
This place was not a normal place. Any living organism will feel a sense of repulsion to this place. Perrin had incredibly good senses, and he should be able to feel it even more so than me.
“I think I might throw up.”
“That’s because of the poisonous gas, endure it. You will only feel like it for a moment, soon you will feel very comfortable.”
He will find any sort of mental process very difficult, and he will lose his sense of self. I didn’t bother to explain this part to him. After about 30 minutes, Perrin’s breathing became a degree lighter.
“If I had…”
If I had grabbed onto Perrin’s hand faster before he fell down the cliff, how would we be now? If I didn’t waste time and hurried to rescue him, then he would not have fallen. Then we would not have been swept into the snake’s lair. Then of course Perrin’s arm would not have fallen to this state. All this was….
“Is this all because of me?”
My body shrunk at my own question. I wasn’t sure what was the right answer. If I didn’t find him at all in the first place, Perrin would have fallen and died.
But on the flip side, even if I were to have pulled him up immediately there was no reassurance that we would have safely returned to our cave dwelling. There were additional earthquakes after the first few, though they were not as strong to make deep pits and canyons on the ground floor.
The ground could have split and there was a possibility to have been injured much worse. It was also possible for the both of us to have been squashed to death after falling.
Otherwise, dangerous monsters in hiding could have woken from the earthquake and caused grave havoc. We would need to then fight against countless dangerous monsters rather than just one giant snake, then it would have been much more dangerous.
“In this forest….”
There is nothing more foolish than dwelling in our past regrets. Our choices do not always make the best future. It was stupid that I was so slow to pull Perrin up, but in the end we were both still alive.
I should not be here regretting, but trying to think of ways to heal his injuries and help him survive in this forest. I understood this in my heart, but I couldn’t help but continue to hypothesize. If I had done this, if I had done that instead. My thoughts did not stop as I stared down at Perrin’s injured arm.
“I’m sleepy… this place makes me sleepy.”
Perrin’s quiet voice broke me away from my thoughts. Soon his face appeared very relaxed. His pained posture was no more, and he laid resting comfortably.
“Perrin?”
“Ah… ah, yes….”
“Perrin, why don’t we return home now?”
“No… I like it here.”
He laid comfortably against the boulder. He blinked looking out into nowhere in particular. He probably reflexively answered and was not speaking with an alert mind. Perrin seemed to be hallucinating about something as he zoned out into space.
“Bugs are flying.”
There was nothing.
“Worms… have wings. Like Dragon flies.”
“Let’s return. It seems dangerous now.”
I rolled him up in a bundle of clothes once again. Then I placed him on top of my head and left this place. I could feel him struggling a bit, but I ignored him.
“Let go… I like it here… I want to stay here.”
He complained without much energy. He gently knocked on my head with his fist. He would never complain in this way if he were to have been completely alert. I wasn’t sure if he was being childish, or if he couldn’t muster energy. But at that moment, I felt a strange tickle inside of me. I know it was not the situation to be feeling this way, but I felt delighted as I saw him behave this way toward me.
“I’m dizzy…. I- I really hate you…”
His speech progressively slurred and slowed. He laid ontop of my head and rubbed his cheek against me.
“Ah… this feels cold and nice. Ah, refreshing.”
I was out in the cold a long time, so my body temperature had dropped. Perrin stuck onto me to cool his own fever instinctually. He would never act this way if he were his normal self.
His cheeks were soft and squishy. Smooth skin, his hair tickled. These sensations touched me deeply somehow.
“Should I bring him there more often?”
I thought of this without any reason in particular.
“Yes. We will come here more often until his arm recovers. That way he will not be in pain.”
I even found an acceptable reason for myself. It was a very good reason to return.
“Perrin, let’s return tomorrow.”
“Yes… okay.”
“We will return until your arm recovers.”
“Okay, yes…”
This place is nice because I don’t feel pain. I paused hearing his low murmur. It’s nice because I don’t hurt. He murmured once again, strangely I couldn’t move. It had been a long while since he ever verbally spoke that he was in pain.
What should I say to him in a situation like this? I contemplated, but I couldn’t find an answer. Then it seems his mind fell to a deeper state of confusion as he spoke nonsense words.
“You’re stupid.”
He was cursing out at a hallucination in his mind.
“You’re a fish…. You got a fish brain… I hate antennas….”
He was speaking such strange things. These were just words of a confused child so I let it flow through one ear and out the other.
“I don’t like it here…”
He sounded like he was half asleep. As the sense of pain disappeared, sleep overwhelmed him.
“I… I will return home…”
I could easily understand he didn’t mean our cave dwelling. Perrin was living together with me. He was next to me. He was sitting on top of my head, and I could feel his body temperature. But even so, strangely-.
“Perrin.”
I felt like I was left all alone in a very distant place.
“Perrin, you will need to live out your life here.”
I wanted to distract him from thoughts of his “home.”
“My lair is very comfortable.”
It’s safe. Why does he keep yearning for a different place?
“Perrin, I will not eat you this winter either.”
I will just endure my hunger.
“I will definitely not eat you.”
I had confidence to endure. Perrin should vaguely know this by now. He should know that I am no longer a dangerous existence to him. He is a child with sharp senses. He had much sharper and better senses than me.
“I am good at enduring hunger now….”
Won’t you continue to live here? I asked very quietly. He didn’t answer. The child fell asleep and didn’t move while sleeping on top of my head. I passed the cliff side. I passed the lake, and arrived back to our cave. I continued to endlessly think to myself all that time.
“Perrin, I hope…”
I hope you will want to live with me on your own will. I hope you enjoy being next to me. That day, I had thought of Perrin’s feelings for the first time.