Perrin resembled a bug. Just a slight push and it would be enough to make him cry. He was like a bug who was scared of everything in life. He really seemed like one to me back then. I assumed that Perrin would not be able to survive for very long. I wanted to keep him alive until winter, but I felt it was an impossible task.
"There is nothing edible for a human child in this forest."
He may consume fruits with low levels of poisons, but eventually it would reach toxic levels and ultimately send his body into shock. I assumed he would linger for a short while and then die. After his death, I planned to separate his organs and store him underground for the winter as food stock. Storing food this way was less nutritious but it would be better than having nothing to eat. I carefully made all my future plans, however.
"So strange. Why doesn't he die?"
Perrin was quite a strange child. Though he was constantly sick, he never died. He recovered from snake bites and fainting spells. He was fine even when he got bitten accidentally by the fish in the lake when he was washing himself.
He would suffer from high fevers and bleed from poison, but after a few days he would recover. Perrin was a strange, stubborn child. His body seemed physically strong, yet he couldn't seem to stop his tears.
"You don't… understand the dangers of this forest at all."
I said one late afternoon. I was leisurely sleeping when Perrin's muffled cries stirred me awake. Perrin was in the corner of the cave crying. I could hear him call for his mother. Other times, he called for his father, and I once even heard him call for his brother. I was fed up with him and stood up.
"Get up."
Perrin jerked and clasped his mouth shut in terror. He tried to pretend he never cried and feigned sleep. He kept his eyes shut and didn't shake even a bit.
"Stop your acting and follow me. If you don't come out on a count of three, then you can forget about winter and I will eat you right now."
"I'm sorry. I won't cry anymore."
"You said the same thing a million times. I don't care, just follow me."
I guided Perrin outside the cave. I brought him to a giant tree that was in an empty plot of land just ahead of my lair.
"I've been trying to understand your tears… but you seem to misunderstand monsters as some kind of evil bad guy like in make believe fairy tales."
"Huh?"
"Do you believe that if you're in danger, a knight will come to save you?"
Perrin didn't deny my words and remained silent. Yes. I had a vague idea of his feelings. Perrin didn't fully accept the true dangers of this forest in the deepest part of his heart.
He didn't have any self awareness because he was raised as a privileged noble child, always protected by the estate knights. He unconsciously expected that someone would surely come to rescue and protect him. I needed to wake him up to face his true reality.
"You should see what kind of place this forest is for yourself."
He will eventually come to realize everything, I mumbled to myself. It was no use trying to convey his situation through words. A seven year's only reference to true fear would probably be the evil bad guys from story books.
"I'm sorry. I was wrong…"
Perrin felt the seriousness of my tone, he hesitated and backed away. I grabbed the child's arm and climbed the tree. I stuck myself to the trunk of a tree and climbed ten meters upwards. Perrin screamed and struggled to break free from my grasp, but I didn't pay him any mind.
"I've warned you to stop crying countless times now. This place is not safe just because I'm the strongest in this area of the forest. You're probably sick of listening to me. Isn't that right?"
This was my territory, but that didn't mean that I was the only monster in this area. There were many monsters living silently in the dark shadows where my eyes didn't reach. There were countless other monsters constantly eyeing the chance to usurp my territory.
The others must have heard Perrin's cries as well. The only reason they haven't taken the initiative to kill Perrin was because I was the lord of this territory and I always kept my eyes on him.
"I can't seem to get through to you with words, so you should experience this place for yourself."
Perrin trembled violently in fear. He finally seemed to have realized that I was treating him very differently than usual.
"I'm s-sorry. Please don't throw me down. I'm sorry."
"I won't let you fall. If I do that, you will die."
"Th-then what do you want to…"
I decided he could stay up on this tree. I grabbed a vine from nearby and tied Perrin to the tree.
Giant droplets of tears rolled down Perrin's cheeks. His tears were probably not due to any sort of understanding. He simply felt sad for his own situation.
"Every time you cry, more monsters come and gather around my territory. You're the only one who hasn't noticed. Every day has become quite a pain because of you. I can't rest and I have to constantly remain on edge."
"S-sorry…hk, I… I was wrong…"
"If you know you were wrong, you should correct your behaviour."
I tied Perrin to the tree and jumped off to the ground by myself. Perrin cried louder than ever. That's right, he started to cry again. He learned to cry with his mouth shut, but any monster with ears could easily hear him.
"This is my last warning. It will be best not to cry."
I knew many strong monsters had gathered and marked him as their prey. They haven't been able to hunt to their heart's content because I've marked him with my scent and I made sure that we were always together. I purposely put a large distance between Perrin and I.
I hid my presence and twenty minutes passed. Perrin didn't tire of crying all the while. Save me. I'm scared. I want to get down. Somebody. Even when I kindly advised him, he didn't heed my words in the least. The morning calm settled and the only thing that could be heard was a young child's quiet cries. A monster was lured by the sound of the cries as they came fluttering over from a distance.
It was an enormous two headed blue bird. It fluttered its giant wings and landed next to Perrin. The nocturnal bird remained absolutely still and so Perrin only took notice of the bird when he was already fully under the bird's shadows. He looked up and froze.
"Ah…ah, s-somebody save…."
Perrin's body wildly trembled from pure terror. He only had me to fall back to, so he cried and looked around to find me.
"Ah, I won't cry anymore! I was wrong. I won't cry so please…!"
His words were always so different from his actions. He said he wouldn't cry, and yet tears flowed from his blue eyes like rain. He stopped muffling his cries and howled out in terror.
The bird watched Perrin in silence and looked around. The two heads quirked to the side in unison scanning the surrounding area. It was trying to see if I was in the immediate area. I was hiding so it wasn't able to discover me.
The monster didn't take long before it proceeded with its original plans. It used its beak and attacked Perrin's left eye. The child continued to struggle even though death seemed inevitable. The bird grabbed Perrin's head with its feet and jabbed its beak all around Perrin's body. The child put up his best fight, but there wasn't much he could do while tied up to the tree.
"This much should be enough."
I extended a portion of my body into a whip like form. It took only a moment for me to trap the bird that was ten meters up above. Birds were mainly troublesome to catch because they could fly, but once caught they were not very strong creatures. I smashed the bird and climbed up the tree once again.
"Perrin, do you understand why you shouldn't cry now?"
He didn't reply to my question. His right eye looked dazed and out of focus. He looked like he was having a hard time breathing from all the beatings he took. Even so, he didn't let himself lose consciousness. His eyes gradually came into focus and looked to me.
The way the child watched me seemed different than before. His eyes were filled with resentment and anger. His once innocent eyes were no more and seemed to be full of dark hateful emotions.
"Your eyes are menacing. Perrin, you're a child that was left to die in this forest."
"…"
"Are you still confused? It means that I am your savior. If you leave my territory, you will not last a day and die. So, you must be grateful to me."
Though it was just until winter, it was true that I've decided to keep him safe here. There were no benefits to saving a sorry child like him, nevertheless, I made it clear to him that he should feel grateful to me. I was… truly….
"You're a bad monster."
I couldn't have phrased it in a worse way than I had back then. No matter how much I reproached myself for my past behavior, nothing would change. What I did to him could never be undone. This reality pressed heavily on my heart.