/
Funnily enough, Senelia had learnt exactly how much she needed to endure should she choose to remain at Benelucia’s side. She had to thank the years spent subservient to the Grand Duke’s arrogant attitude.
Benelucia Afron will love Lucalina Elihan forever.
He will never be interested in me, ever.
The Grand Duke was not Senelia’s person, in the end, he would always turn back to his first love.
He’d done as such for many years, so Senelia had learnt an important lesson.
Love him, but only enough that it would be easy for you to let go of that love for him.
She would never love him more than that.
That way, even if the male lead once again claims to love only the female lead, and Cliff accepts using the female lead as the leash, Senelia won’t be as heart broken.
But if Benelucia decided to make Senelia love him again, her love would cross the line. She would be the one who loses everything at the end.
Eight years ago, when Senelia still held onto the innocence of the world, she would have been exhilarated by the promises from the male lead. She might have mistakenly assumed that she had been chosen over Lucalina.
But it’s been eight years. I am not the girl with hopeful dreams.
She couldn’t afford to be herself anymore.
She had to fend for her survival. Hers, and her family’s. She would do whatever he wanted, just not love.
“Your Majesty, if you so wish it, I can go to my mother immediately and inform her of our marriage.”
She approached Benelucia, she had to discover a way to never fall in love with him.
Resting her hand against his cheek, her desperate expression silenced the Grand Duke.
“Your Majesty, if you so wish, I will kiss you.”
Senelia angled her head and drew closer to Benelucia. She gave him a short peck.
Benelucia hesitated, it had been a long time since his Senelia had willingly initiated physical contact. That brief contact was a hint of sweetness in their dull situation.
What am I doing?! How can I act like a young lad who received his first kiss?
But love was originally like that.
Her kiss left him stunned, giving Senelia the opportunity to take further action.
Due to her rush and need to leave quickly, her outfit consisted of a light dress.
It made her task at hand easier.
Gently, she pushed against the man’s shoulder, once he fell onto the couch, she followed along on her knees.
From above, Senelia watched him, the couch wasn’t wide, naturally, they were cramped enough that they felt the other’s warmth.
It was subtle, but enough to remind them of the times spent together.
Senelia guided Benelucia’s hand to the ribbon that tied her dress.
“Your Majesty, if you so wish, anything more than this is possible.”
Her words would have sounded romantic and enticing, if only Senelia did not sound as though she was reading out prepared lines from a script.
The results of her efforts caused Benelucia’s mood to plummet.
No, I feel even worse.
It was a disgusting feeling.
When his Senelia behaved in such a manner, it was as if a black mass stuck to his throat.
“Sally, please. Don’t offer yourself to me like this.”
The Young Lady Daphnen laughed sarcastically, she laughed at herself.
Lucalina’s early arrival. Her father’s sudden death. Her mother’s subsequent hatred.
And above all else, Benelucia’s claim of love made moments ago, drove Senelia’s mind to the brink of despair.
“Your Majesty, don’t deny it. There is nothing between us. Nothing remains besides the fact that I have been nothing more than a woman who occupied your bed for the past eight years.”
The first year was spent unilaterally circulating around Benelucia.
The next year was spent climbing into his bed.
Then after, for six more years, they lived as lovers without the promise of a stable married future or whispers of love.
In fact, now, he was neither her lover nor her betrothed. In the end, all that remained between them were the benefits obtained as they met their physical needs over the eight years.
It was a miserable life, but that had become her daily existence.
“I know my place well, Your Majesty.”
It was the same as the day she left.
Just different.
She was even more desperate.
But she still had a sliver of hope to salvage the situation.
“That’s why I would never dare to speak of love to Your Majesty.”
Loving him is bad, one day I’ll end up loving him so much that I won’t stand it if he loves anyone but me.
She feared that one day she would turn out like the original Senelia from the novel.
The Grand Duke flinched and collapsed.
Senelia didn’t blame him, but that did not stop her from constantly forcing him to look back on his sins.
Today, Senelia was determined to bring up the past and use it as her weapon of choice.
She endured years without a clear title from him, and even though others speculated that she might be his lover or betrothed. Senelia could never ask and Benelucia had never clarified.
These were the sins left behind by both Senelia and Benelucia.
I admit it, Sally, I had been arrogant.
He was arrogant enough to think it’s acceptable to force his ex-lover to love him. Even if she hadn’t forgiven him.
Benelucia wasn’t affected by his own arrogance, so he never had to acknowledge its implications. Now, he had to come to terms that he had hurt his lover.
“It’s my fault.”
Benelucia wrapped his arms around Senelia and buried his head on her shoulder.
I was out of my mind, Sally. I was so eager to get a reaction out of you, that I… How self-deceptive.
[T/N: Self-deceptive meaning to convince oneself of a truth or false truth.]
He was full of bravado without the confidence or skills to handle the outcome.
Still, he refused to let go of his lover and instinctively tightened his arms around her.
The Grand Duke Benelucia Afron was known to be an arrogant man who deserved to possess everything he desired.
He’d lived his life as a conqueror.
Unfortunately, though wanted to change his arrogant ways, human beings do not change just because they want to.
The essence would remain the same.
“So… Please do not give up on loving me, Sally. I’ll make it up to you, everything that I’ve done, I’ll pay you back over and over again. So, please!”
Instead of feeling repentance, facing their sins made him realize how much more he wanted Senelia and his obsession grew.
I want her, I love her.
“I will formally send a marriage proposal to the Viscountess. To let everyone know that you are mine, I will prepare the grandest wedding imaginable. I’ll do everything I can until you don’t feel like you’re just a ‘lover’.”
Senelia laughed self-deprecatingly as her fear momentarily subsided.
Isn’t that funny. No matter how many times he begs or makes promises, aren’t we just walking down the path leading where I still must love him as he wishes.
Benelucia might be falling into the trap she laid out, but Senelia could not forget that she had to first complete the emperor’s command before thinking to follow her heart.
She also had another problem to consider. They were in a novel. No matter how hard Benelucia tried to love her, they were still in a novel. Benelucia would always fall blindly in love with Lucalina. Senelia could never allow herself to hope in vain.
But she had forgotten that she wasn’t the original Senelia, nor was she Lucalina. So, Benelucia, too, could also become a Benelucia Afron who did not love Lucalina.
“I’ll do as you wish, Your Majesty.”
Reason returned to Senelia after calming down. So, she nodded and quickly got to her feet.
She judged that Benelucia’s feelings for her were not entirely false, however, she could not put her faith in them.
If she had to compare it, Benelucia’s love for Lucalina was blind, but his love for Senelia was possessive.
She was amused, there was such a difference between love.
Senelia sat beside Benelucia.
At her response, the Grand Duke blinked hopefully at his ex-lover.
Young Lady Daphnen pondered over his change, how quickly he turned from remorseful to hopeful.
Ironically, he still held hope for Senelia to love him again.
That’s just like Ben.
Whatever wrong he’d committed, he was forgiven easily and loved more passionately by the masses.
He’d even managed to fully dissolve the awkward atmosphere between the two. Senelia pretended to not notice and simply tolerated his newfound hope.
With that hope, Benelucia will choose her and not Lucalina.
Everything is about to change.
***
Staying true to his words, Benelucia frequently visited Senelia’s room.
Finally, Senelia was joyful with the thought that she would be able to marry the Grand Duke.
When the next morning arrived, an unexpected incident put an end to her joy.
“Your Majesty, talk of marriage is unacceptable.”
Viscountess Daphnen, Senelia’s mother, directly rejected the marriage proposal causing Senelia to remember her words.
The Viscountess’ daughter did not expect her mother to protest.
With her mind clouded, Senelia had assumed her mother objected to her returning to the capital, as she would waste her time trying to gain a love that didn’t exist.
She was wrong.
Her mother’s warning spoken after her father’s death was to not be with the man named Benelucia Afron and had nothing to do with returning to the capital.
“Why are you rejecting this marriage?”
Benelucia frowned, his displeasure visible to those around.
He’d probably never imagined his proposal would be sent back.
After all, it was rude of a noble to reject the marriage to an Imperial family member.
If accused of insulting the royal family, the Viscountess and her family would have no way of escaping responsibility.
Besides, with Senelia being over the marriageable age, Benelucia was the best available partner.
Even if he wasn’t available, doesn’t his political standing make him the best groom in the empire, second only to the emperor?
It was incomprehensible that the Viscountess would be against the marriage proposal.
However, the Viscountess was adamant.