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Chapter 11. Do Whatever You Want (2)
“Astein, you…!”
Little by little, she thought that he was strange. His eyes were always indifferent, no matter who was hurt or asked for help. But she thought it might be because he wasn’t good at keeping people close to him. This was an unfamiliar place for him. The boy had been suffering from violence for a long time and had to endure the pain alone.
But-
‘This isn’t right. Bullying a weak creature like this isn’t fair.’
It wasn’t because he was clumsy or uninterested. There was a distinct difference between being indifferent to life and taking it lightly. In that aspect, Astein was twisted a lot. However-
He was only twelve years old. If he wasn’t good at distinguishing between right and wrong, just teach him. Because he was a child who still had more days to live than the days she had lived.
‘That’s right, I have to do that. Because I promised to protect him.’
Elusiana took a breath and looked Astein straight in the eye.
“I’m disappointed, Astein.”
Astein tilted his head. Was it just an illusion that his indifferent eyes looked colder than other days?
Elusiana made up her mind and continued.
“I don’t know why you’re angry, but life isn’t for  bargaining. If you want something from me, you should ask for it. Why are you bothering Soda?”
“…”
“If you did something wrong, Soda could have died. Whether human or animal, life is equally precious. You can’t do it your way.”
For a moment, Astein’s eyes sank coolly.
“Is it precious?”
“Yes,” replied Elusiana firmly.
* * *
Astein looked at her with a look that he couldn’t understand.
‘What’s so important about an animal’s life? Even more so, wasn’t I, a human being, just a test subject that could be thrown away at any time to someone else?’
The dignity of life was nothing more than trash, less worthy than stones rolling on the side of the road. Waste that would be thrown away when used up.
‘That’s unique. It’s so different from what my brother used to say.’
And it made him a little unpleasant. That expression of anxiety that a trivial life might go wrong. The awkward distance of reprimanding him for doing something wrong. Maybe that was why he threw out such a childish question unexpectedly.
Maybe that’s why I asked this childish question unexpectedly.
“Then what about me?”
* * *
Elusiana was briefly shaken by the forced stare. What would happen if she replied, ‘You’re not precious’? Would he twist her neck this time, not Soda’s neck?
Elusiana answered calmly, hiding her fluttering emotions.
“Of course, you’re precious too.”
Astein listened closely and didn’t let go of his doubtful eyes.
“So- don’t do it carelessly. It’s because I care about both of you.”
Elusiana swung Soda around in her arms. She opened the door calmly and went out, although his stinging gaze seemed like it would grab her by the back at any moment.
* * *
Since when?
The longer he spent with the girl, the more Astein felt strangely satisfied. The sharp sensation that rose like a sharp thorn, the traces of the flesh with a strong fishy smell of blood, even the painful memories constantly poking his head. But all of them were gone when he was with the girl. He became infinitely benevolent, as if she was the precious thing he had forgotten long ago.
‘Was it because of her scent?’
The sweet scent wafted from the girl. It was not only sweet but also had a fresh scent, just like the scent of a forest or flowers in full bloom. It had been like that since the first day they met, so he couldn’t take his eyes off her even though he was vigilant.
‘What was that scent?’
The scent stimulated unknown nostalgia and somehow choked his breath.
‘Could it be because of that necklace?’
A Lisianthus necklace shaped exactly like his mother’s. The first time he saw that necklace hanging around her neck, he thought his heart had stopped beating. The man who killed his precious mother had stolen it, but it was hanging around Elusiana’s neck. However, the necklace around her neck wasn’t his mother’s. The jewel in the center was not red but a shiny diamond. A deceptively similar necklace.
From then on, he started observing her more carefully. Things like the fact when she smiled, one corner of her eyes left a deep mark or things like if there’s something delicious, she made sure to take care of others first. She liked the gentle spring breeze, and when the warm sunlight shone, she fell asleep reading a book while leaning against a big tree… Those little things.
At some point, Astein came to a realization. He was desperately looking for his mother’s traces in everything about her.
“Mo…ther…”
Drip.
Astein paused at the tears that fell suddenly. The tears flowing down his cheeks were very unfamiliar, yet familiar. They said tears flow when you’re sick. Why did tears flow down now when he didn’t feel any pain? No, did he really not feel any pain? Then was the pain in his heart?
Astein twisted his cool eyes in confusion.
That girl said he’s a precious person too. She also added that she cared for both of them.
Astein muttered, recalling Elusiana’s voice.
“Two of them. I don’t like it.”
‘If so, wouldn’t it be okay to kill all of them, leaving only the girl?’
If it was only the two of them, she wouldn’t be as angry as she was today. The girl won’t be distracted.
Astein smiled excitedly. His bloody eyes shone with a strange light. It was an ominous light mixed with madness and obsession. But he soon stared at the door where the girl left with a cold face.
‘She didn’t look back.’
The girl would always say goodbye with the words ‘again’ or ‘next time’ before leaving.
“I will come again.”
“See you again tomorrow.”
“Let’s play next time.”
But today, there was no goodbye, no promises for the next time, or anything else. As if she would never come again. She didn’t even give a glance.
“I… don’t like it.”
The girl warned himself. She would never seek him again if he hurt something she held dear. She wouldn’t sit next to him and stare at him, chattering and gawking or grumbling.
For a moment, Astein felt the corner of his heart tighten. It was cold and unpleasant, like a seed conceived of ice had been embedded in it.
“All right, Elusiana.”
Astein rose from his seat. The answer he had to give was already set. It was so easy and simple to come up with.
“I will do whatever you want if you want it.”
‘I will protect your precious things.’
Astein quickly moved toward the door where she had left. Holding the handle where her warmth left, Astein opened the door without hesitation.
* * *
Three months after that.
Elusiana was running across the garden, stamping the grass in a frenzy.
“A reckless brat! Selfish fellow. What a piece of shit that lives in hell! Ah, you bastaaaard!”
She gasped out and let out her anger. She was so mad that she felt like she would flip over.
Would it become like now if he hadn’t started a fire into her heart? The heat that soared inside couldn’t go away.
“Huff, huff, huff.”
Elusiana plopped into the chair in the garden, forcing out the swear words that were brewing inside.
“Ha! I know you’re good! You selfish brat wearing the mask of etiquette!”
Elusiana’s whole body shook as she fanned the heat on her red cheeks.
The summary of what had happened was as follows.
Today they had a ballroom dancing class. Astein and her, partnered up to practice the basic dance. As previously said, she never learned to dance or surrender her body to excitement. However, this body belonged to Elusiana, not Han Suyeon. That was why she had a bit of expectation.
‘I didn’t know if it was Han Suyeon, but if it was Elusiana, her body would remember the dance I learned.’
“But why is this body bad at dancing too?”
Elusiana fanned her hands hard toward her cheeks as the heat rose again. However, she was angrier because of Astein rather than this body.
“But, how can a person dance so well to the first dance they learned?”
Astein moved his body like a fish in the water. One could even believe he had practiced dancing for several years. He was naturally skillful. So, how stiff was she compared to him?
She couldn’t catch her breath and come to her senses because it was too much just to follow his steps. It was the first time for both of them, but she was the only one fooling around. So, stepping on her partner’s foot was a series of things she did today. It was a force majeure.
In the end, the class ended with only disastrous results, and her teacher raised her hand to stop. But until the last minute, Astein faithfully played the role of her partner without a change in his facial expression. He was wearing his poker face while showing courtesy.
‘So what’s the problem? Isn’t it a relief that the class ended well?’
Nonsense.
“That’s the problem!”
Astein finished it well by himself.
‘No, can you say that he’s done well?’