I do my business in the bathroom and wash my hands.
Even though I know itâs pointless, I open the bathroom door to check inside and peek out through the front door scope.
However, even if I try to take such a comforting action, of course the current situation will not change.
I cook some white rice.
I finish my breakfast with an egg on rice.
I put the teacups and bowls in the sink, and let the water out of the tap.
I pick up a sponge and wipe away the yolk residue.
Pikon
Electronic sounds reach my ears, mixed with the regular echoes of running water.
âIncoming call! Is it from Konata Direct Message?â
I turn off the tap and throw out the sponge.
Wiping my hands roughly with my clothes, I open the door to my room and grab my phone as if to snatch it.
âNo. TextingâŚâŚ?â
I shrug at the texting app icon at the top of the phoneâs screen.
However, as soon as I swipe down the icon and see the subject line displayed, I immediately straighten my back.
âăRe:Regarding the storyboard of the new work, Nikaido Hinataăâ
ââŚâŚYou got back to me sooner than I expected. Usually it takes three days at the earliest.â
The senderâs storyboard attached to the side of the tasteless title is that of a familiar editor.
It is the second person Iâd expected to hear from.
I sit cross-legged on the floor, unlock the pattern lock on my phone and tap the subject line.
Instantly, the text of the email fills the screen.
I close my eyes, take a deep breath and open them again.
ăThank you very much for your continued support. I am Haruka Tanaka from Rare Comics. I read your storyboard. I didnât expect you to come up with a gag manga. âŚâŚTo be honest, I was surprised. As for myself, I was hoping for a romantic comedy, but, well, thatâs OK. Our companyâs creed is [anything goes as long as itâs funny]. Now, let me quickly conclude by saying that I think it would be very difficult to give this storyboard to the conference as it is. The reason is that, frankly speaking, it isnât funny. Of course, as the sense of laughter is different for each person, I thought that I should not judge it based on my own personal opinion, so I asked other editors to read it, but they had almost the same opinion. For a comic that deals with undertones, it doesnât ălose its shameă, does it? If it is a gag comic, I think it would be tough to handle it commercially unless it has reached a level where the shame is sublimated. In the words of another editor, itâs ăas slippery as watching a junior high school student calling out a series of newly-learnt undertonesăâŚâŚ..In addition, recent gag mangas are less likely to be developed from the first-person perspective of a strong protagonist, and are more likely to be told from the birdâs-eye viewpoint of three or so characters, each with their own personality, which is commercially demanding in terms of contemporariness. And although I felt the passion in the main characterâs formulation, perhaps in a way that Sensei does not intend, it seems that the character has become snarky and difficult to empathise with. The lyrical and emotional dialogue spun by her characters fit well with the world of battle manga and fantasy manga but I donât think it is a good match for gag manga. I have written some pretty harsh things above but the storyboard I received at the previous meeting with Sensei had no plot at all, so compared to that time, it has improved. I understand the feeling of wanting to draw a bizarre story when you canât get your new work through. However, I believe that the charm of Senseiâs manga lies in your honesty and dedication to pursuing delicate emotions. I myself want to see the high road, not the evil road of Sensei. So please sit back and look for your strengths again. It does not have to be a romantic comedy. I am looking forward to seeing a new storyboard that shows off your personality to the fullest. We look forward to working with you.ă
[ED : I was confused about âundertonesâ, canât find the meaning on google, so I need to ask TL lol. So I guess I will try to explain a bit about it for the readers that may be confused too. âUndertonesâ here may be similar to self-referential jokes, a joke that is made to be not too obvious to its readers; underlying jokes. Um.. I hope this will help some of you. LOL]
I slid the phone to the floor as if to throw it away.
The second half of the text message was so tear-stained I couldnât read it properly.
But I do know this much.
âHahaha, another rejection.â
A strange laugh escapes.
A rotten voice, as if concentrated with self-mockery, frustration and inadequacy.
âIs it all my self-satisfaction? I wonder if it is. I suppose it is.â
The editorâs point is long-winded, but the gist of it is that the work I put out is ăfull of pretentious descriptions, too self-indulgent and lacking in objectivityă.
That may be so.
The storyboard this time was a work I drew on the spur of the moment, with no commercial considerations.
âOf course, I didnât have much expectation that the storyboard would be accepted in one shotâŚ..â
To be honest, I didnât think it would be so badly criticised.
I thought I had created the best storyboard I could.
But if you think about it, itâs a foregone conclusion.
If my taste was right to begin with, I wouldnât have had my storyboard dropped so many times.
âKonata praised me but on second thought, sheâs not really a professional editor or anything.â
Her opinion is only the opinion of one reader.
Whatâs more, sheâs my fan.
Naturally, she would have been lenient in her evaluation.
It was foolish of me to take it seriously.
I should have thought about it more.
âIâm kind of tired all over again.â
Lying down on my stomach and burying my face.
I donât feel like doing anything.
Somewhere, a quick-witted grasshopper warbler is singing.
Itâs just like me, I thought.
ââGachagachagacha.
At the worst possible moment, a sound comes from the front door.
I raise my upper body.
I wipe my face with my shirt and turn towards the doorway.
My failure is my failure.
Itâs not Konataâs fault.
I am honestly happy that she is able to go back to school.
I canât let my personal circumstances put a damper on that celebration.
âWelcome back.â
Smile and try to say it cheerfully.
âIâm back.â
Konata puts her bag down in the corridor near the front door.
âYouâre late.â
ââŚâŚ Sorry.â
She takes off her loafer and comes up to the room, walks up to me and bows deeply.
âNo, you donât have to apologise so much. Thatâs just, you know, itâs been a long time since youâve been to school and there must be a lot going on.â
I say with a goofy smile.
My own words are devoid of emotion.
âââI couldnât go to school.â
When she says this, Konata slumps to the floor with her eyes tightly shut.
âEeh?â
âBut I went to school. I really did. But at the school gate, a classmate who I knew spoke to me and I couldnât reply well, so I got stuck. The chime rang and then I got really scared and ran away. I couldnât come home yesterday because I felt so ashamed and sorry, even though you were cheering me up.â
A tearful, heartfelt confession.
âââI see, then, itâs mutual, isnât it?â
I murmur.
It isnât as positive as the face value of the words would guarantee.
Rather, it is a viscous slush, with dark nuances of joy.
âEeh?â
âThe storyboard, it didnât work.â
I say matter-of-factly.
âThat canât beâŚâŚ. It was so interesting.â
I canât accept her words honestly at the moment.
I am even feeling rather annoyed.
âNo, it wasnât interesting. Thatâs why it was rejected. I was beaten to a pulp. Iâm sorry. Konata has helped me so much.â
I bow my head.
Iâm sincerely pathetic.
This is what Iâm capable of now.
âItâs not about me. Iâm not at allâŚâŚ.â
Konata mutters in a muffled voice.
Learn more
Pause
Unmute
An awkward silence dominates the room.
ââŚâŚWhat was the point?â
When the cicadaâs sound died down, I blurt out.
âEeh?â
âKonata couldnât go to school and my storyboard was rejectedâŚâŚ.Then I wonder if our month-long confinement meant anything.â
Itâs just empty and vain.
If I had failed, but Konata had been able to attend school, there would still have been salvation.
But if we both fail like this, this encounter is pointless.
This is nothing more than a licking of wounds between two losers.
There is no productivity, no future.
âH,heyâŚâŚ.â
Konata reaches out to say something.
âSorry. I just need a moment alone.â
I turn my back on her.
A moment later, her expression burns into my retinas.
Her frightened eyes, her trembling lips.
She definitely has a hurt look on her face.
But even when I find out, I canât say a single follow-up word to her.
Right now it is all I can do to keep my negative emotions in check.
ââŚâŚâŚâŚ.â
My footsteps move away.
The sound of a door closing.
I havenât had dinner, I havenât taken a bath, I just pull the futon over me.
It is as if I am reverted to the person I was before I met her.