Ch35 - Questions

Mu He’s nose began to sting, but he had to ask what was wrong with himself. He had clearly vowed to stop trusting anyone but believed his shizun unconditionally, even more than Nie Ting. He also vowed to take anything he wanted in this world, but was so timid around his shizun for fear of raising his suspicions.

He truly worried that what befell Shen Youn might befall his shizun too.

Shen You was a detached man who could look on everything with cold eyes. Mu He didn’t dare to imagine a day where his shizun forgot how to smile, to speak, to look at him with a worried gaze. He wouldn’t know how to deal with such a frigid world.

Eyes hooded, Mu He murmured imperceptibly, “But, disciple really wants to…”

—

Xie Zhiwei thought it wasn’t elegant to just leave Shen You’s body lying on the ground. He was preparing to carry it into the gazebo and give it a change of clothes before informing the sect disciples. The wind was loud and brought Mu He’s muffled muttering into his ear. He had been too busy watching the reunion of the three heads of Ashen Cloud Mountain just then, but now had time to reflect on everything, including his dissatisfaction with Nie Ting’s words.

Half-turning, he looked at Mu He in understanding. “If you want to, then just do it. My disciple is so outstanding that ‘a melon forced off the vine won’t be sweet’ doesn’t fit the likes of you.”

Nie Ting you bastard, what kind of grudge made you obstruct the hero at every step? Will you only feel relieved if he’s single for life?

Mu He started before he felt his face growing hot. “Shizun is overexaggerating. Disciple doesn’t mean it that way, it’s better not…um…” If shizun could understand and accept my feelings, how wonderful it’d be. He suddenly seized up, leaving his last words floating in the air and sounding especially weak in Xie Zhiwei’s ears.

Ah hero, this isn’t like your style at all.

Did Ming Kong forcing Shen You scare him? No! The hero must believe in his own charms. Those two had nothing in common besides their genders. But the girls you like will all fall hopelessly for your looks. Nor will they ever want to stop loving.

Xie Zhiwei continued to encourage him. “Any girl who fancies you is lucky. You don’t have to belittle yourself.”

Mu He suppressed a thousand words in his heart. Disciple fancies you, but disciple can never say it.

Xie Zhiwei saw Mu He’s expression grow determined after his words and internally cheered. He assumed the hero was finally understanding his own feelings. Grinning in appreciation, he moved Shen You’s corpse only to drop something from the body that rolled on the ground and stopped before Mu He’s feet. The boy picked it up and saw that it was the branch flute that Ming Kong used to carry around with him.

“He actually left this on Sect Leader Shen,” Xie Zhiwei observed. I thought it was burnt to ashes with Ming Kong himself.

Mu He’s lips curved up in scorn before tossing aside the cracked flute. It landed by the pile of ashes that used to be Ming Kong. Realizing that was brash, he quickly explained, “Disciple thought Sect Leader Shen wouldn’t like it, so I helped him return the item.”

What a well-behaved child. But if he’s too righteous that’s not good, it’ll affect his blackening later.  Xie Zhiwei managed a “Mhm” with effort while sensing that somewhere, something had gone amiss. According to the original novel, Mu He still maintained an excellent image in the future, but he was blackened to his bones. Many years later, he just had to show his joy or displeasure before his harem moved to kill for him, or kill each other for him. Yet all he did was dress in spotless white robes free from blood and wipe his brow with a pained expression to say: “Someone died indirectly because of me again.”

When the murderer came to admit her guilt in shame, he would shake his head and say, “I’m not blaming anyone, but it’s not worth it to defile your hands over me.”

When the other started crying and insisting he was, she would be carried off into his arms, where the pair engaged in all manner of hentai acts.

Mu He was a winner in life.

He took advantage of others and reaped their benefits while they still had to beg him multiple times just to sleep together. What was more abominable was that those people were all girls!

Of course they’d all be girls! Xie Zhiwei cursed himself for being an idiot. If they were men, this book would need to change its theme…

While he was still pondering, Mu He already had the foresight to take Shen You out of his arms with black qi. “Shizun has labored long, please rest. Disciple can deal with the rest of these matters alone.”

True, Xie Zhiwei thought. I’m the dignified Bixu zhenren, city lord of Summit City. Even if I wasn’t forced, I shouldn’t be doing manual labor. He would leave the task of burying Shen You and rescuing Du Sheng and the rest to the hero, who shouldn’t miss the chance to befriend some mainstream big names.

Xie Zhiwei yawned his way back to the rooms and was about to conk out when the long-silent System began flashing its chat window again. With a cold smile, Xie Zhiwei accepted the request.

The other end didn’t expect Xie Zhiwei to pick up so promptly, because there was a moment of silence before the words came dropping like bombs.

“Sh*t, f**k, @^#%#$, ah! Xie bro, Idol Xie, Male God Xie, Teacher Xie!!!”

Xie Zhiwei rubbed his ears and rolled his eyes. “These are all my old names. Please call me Xie zhenren now.”

Gallant Outlaw ignored him to continue crying in tears, “AhHHhhh, you finally picked up!!!”

Xie Zhiwei scorned, “Of course, I needed to have a good talk with you. Who knows what wonderful storylines you’ll give me otherwise.”

Gallant Outlaw abruptly shut up as he stammered, “Uh, this…that is…”

Xie Zhiwei immediately verified his guesses. “Heheh, what a good stallion novel author. What a great and damnably long story written by a straight man. No wonder you hid the truth at critical moments! You wanted to entertain your private festishes! Hurry and get me a computer with internet access.”

“What…what for?” Gallant Outlaw was surprised.

“I’m gonna expose you on the forums.”

“No no no, Idol, listen to my explanation!”

“Explain how hard it was for a gay man like to you pretend to be straight? Or how heartbroken you were to give up this plot after writing it all down? Or how much you self-inserted into the story?”

“I, I didn’t!”

“So loud, like you have room to argue. Do you have the guts to let me call you out publicly? You old gay!”

“No! Even if Mt. Everest bends, I’ll still be as straight as a pen!!!” Gallant Outlaw finally retorted, but his voice grew timid afterwards. “Th…that, that wasn’t written by me…”

Xie Zhiwei didn’t believe him. “You think I’m so easy to fool? If you didn’t write it, then where did the story come from? Hmph, I should’ve know someone with a pen name like yours wasn’t all straight.”

“Huh? Gallant Outlaw? Caomang Yingxiong?” Gallant Outlaw was confused. “Isn’t it just a bit more sensational than usual? But there are more outrageous names out there. How does this prove I’m not straight?”

Xie Zhiwei began his analysis. “I used to understand your name at face value, but now I realize you can caomang in other ways. Maybe you’ve already tried it. Well, did you suffocate that ‘snake’ to death?”

Gallant Outlaw couldn’t believe him. “Idol…you, how could you be so dirty.”

Xie Zhiwei only sneered. “You can even write things like necrophilia, but now I’m dirty for exposing your desires? Speak, what other private fetishes did you insert into future plots?”

Gallant Outlaw was about to cry. “Idol, I know you’re furious, and I can only imagine what you’ve been through in the past few days. But don’t hurt me, I’m a baby too ah…”

“Mhm, a little baby who writes smut. Your driving skills are really stable.”

Gallant Outlaw clawed at his hair before he really began to cry. “I was wrong…Idol, I’ll confess. Actually, I never planned out Shen You’s storyline, not even in an outline.”

“Keep lying. You even gave Shen You a courtesy name and personality, plus all those details about his living quarters. And you still say you didn’t write the most important thing, a plot?”

“That…every author has things they don’t want to give up. I thought Shen You’s settings were great, but I couldn’t fit him anywhere into the story. Still, I didn’t want to throw away someone so sensational so I just fumbled through it. This gave the readers room for imagination and sped up the pacing. Plus, everyone preferred reading about Tantai Meng anyways.”

Xie Zhiwei sighed. “That’s true. So where did the storyline I just completed come from?”

Gallant Outlaw gave a dry cough. “I knew Idol was eager to try the plot but couldn’t come up with anything, so I…went to scan some readers’ brains to fill in the blanks. I didn’t pay enough attention at the time, but Idol was already ignoring me by the time I found out…hehehe, it looks like I have a lot of fujoshi readers too ah, haha.”

Xie Zhiwei zeroed in on the most important point: “Fanfiction?”

Gallant Outlaw gave another ingratiating “heheh” but didn’t reply. Xie Zhiwei chuckled back, but his laugh was enraged. “I was so serious about stealing scenes, but you trolled me with a fanfic? Doesn’t your conscience hurt?”

No wonder he’d gotten so many urgent chat messages when he started the plot, but what was the use now? He’d finished the sidestory. The hero had probably buried Shen You already! I’ve tasted, chewed, and swallowed the meat until it’s all digested in my stomach, and now you tell me it was actually fly meat. Do you think I can still spit it back out?!

Gallant Outlaw braced himself and tried to speak, “This…th-that is…”

Xie Zhiwei exploded. “In other words, Shen You might have been a murderer after all? Ming Kong might not have been an asshole, and we’re still not sure whether Nie Ting would’ve really forgiven Shen You in the end?!”

Gallant Outlaw shrank in fear before he warily prevaricated, “This…it’s no problem if you understand it like that, Idol. I did say I’d leave everyone room for imagination.”

Now that everything was over, Xie Zhiwei could only look ahead. Who told the author to be so unreliable? He suppressed his temper and asked, “Will this happen again?”

Gallant Outlaw was all assurances. “I promise to be completely transparent about all plotlines in the future and only follow the canon story. This kind of thing will never happen…of course, if Idol takes the plot down this path, I won’t object either. As a reader, you can use your imagination too.”

Imagination your father!!! How could laozi allow gay elements to show up?! To borrow your words, even if the protagonist bends, laozi will never bend.

Ah pooh, the protagonist can’t bend either!

Xie Zhiwei took a deep breath. “I don’t know if I should say this.”

“Idol, go ahead and say it,” Gallant Outlaw urged quickly.

Quietly, Xie Zhiwei muttered, “MMP. ”

“Ah, it was too soft so I didn’t hear. Can Idol repeat it one more time?”

As expected of a veteran actor, Xie Zhiwei instantly adopted a kind smile. “I said, thank you.” And your whole family.

—

The author has something to say: I’m guessing readers will want to hit me after reading this chapter sobsobsob

Xie Zhiwei: I can’t believe you made me act out fanfiction.

Me: I can’t believe I translated “canon” fanfiction.

HAS-System: Even in fanfiction, the host cannot be OOC!

Gallant Outlaw: I’m an author who appreciates my fans! *cough* So if any more uh, fujoshi readers out there want to write something, you’re more than welcome to try!

Xie Zhiwei: No smut allowed! No wait, it’s not okay even without smut. Only the hero and his female harem—

Mu He: Shizun, you’re worth 3,000 beauties in the palace.

Xie Zhiwei: ∑(ΦдΦlll that did not just come out of his mouth

Melon-eating viewers: （∂ w ∂  ）gaaaaaaasp he said tHAT

Gallant Outlaw: (ー∀ー  ) hehe as expected of my protagonist, the pick-up king!

Mu He: (/ω＼ ) shyshy shizun’s looking at me so intently shyshy

Xie Zhiwei: System, you’re the only one with logic here. Don’t you see anything wrong with this?!

HAS-System: Ding~ There is no OOC detected in Xie Zhiwei’s beloved disciple Mu He’s behavior. It is very natural for a stallion novel hero to charm his conquests.

Xie Zhiwei: YOUR MOTHER, WHO’S CONQUERING WHOM…!!

(Alternatively, someone write a happy ending for the ThunderOrchid CP already)